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Post by _ on Feb 23, 2018 8:28:33 GMT -6
I watched some videos today on anger management & self-control and didn't really find them helpful. Have any things been useful for y'all in this regard? My go-to is a couple of angry songs by a metalcore band called Those Who Fear (which helps me vicariously express frustration while also realizing a lot of anger is not really holy anger and should be quelled).
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Feb 23, 2018 10:33:06 GMT -6
Taken from a post I wrote in SOA a few months ago that might be relevant here:
That last part is important: learning to choose your battles.
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Post by _ on Feb 23, 2018 13:45:15 GMT -6
Sweet. Thanks, NI.
Any advice for circumstances that don't involve others?
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Feb 23, 2018 15:54:06 GMT -6
Depends what you mean. Being angry at yourself?
Or like, being angry at random things that happen throughout the day? (Things like, something fragile falling off a shelf, or your computer freezing when you had a post typed out, etc)
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Post by _ on Feb 23, 2018 16:51:07 GMT -6
the latter
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Feb 23, 2018 21:32:35 GMT -6
All I can really recommend there is to distract yourself somehow. Listen to music. Sing (or scream/growl!) a song you know the lyrics to. Read a book. If you think angry music would help you, send a PM. I can send you some of my "anger" playlist
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Post by _ on Feb 24, 2018 4:38:25 GMT -6
in other words, Broken Flesh.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Feb 24, 2018 12:05:41 GMT -6
I watched some videos today on anger management & self-control and didn't really find them helpful. Have any things been useful for y'all in this regard? My go-to is a couple of angry songs by a metalcore band called Those Who Fear (which helps me vicariously express frustration while also realizing a lot of anger is not really holy anger and should be quelled). I used to teach anger management back in the day. (when I was a drug and alcohol counselor) Attended it myself when I was in treatment. (since anger is a "trigger" for people to use) What I've learned, in a nutshell. - depression, is a form of anger "turned inward". In theory, depression could be smashed with proper anger management - You could have the best anger management information and techniques, but if it doesn't "click" with you personally, it won't help - You could have the crappiest, half-measured anger management information and techniques, but if it "clicks" with you personally, it WILL work. - Anger Management is 100% MAINTENANCE. There's no such thing as doing "that one thing" "that one time" and you're good for the rest of your time on this planet. Some people would advise against a physical release for anger. I got a punching bag on my screened in back porch that is quite useful. Screaming into a pillow, not my thing - apparently works well for others.
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Post by _ on Feb 24, 2018 12:34:44 GMT -6
Thanks, bro. I'll keep those in mind. I wouldn't say I have a problem, but it is def an area I could and would like to improve in.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Feb 25, 2018 7:10:19 GMT -6
I think its very noble to work on something identified as not a problem, but something that could be improved. I don't have a very good track record of that myself.... I can think of a few things in life where I only tried to make it better after it pinned me in a corner and wouldn't let me move.
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Post by _ on Feb 25, 2018 20:18:25 GMT -6
I identified it not as a problem yet because it's not based on other people and/or their remarks and I can control it around others (so they can't tell what's annoying me). But if I'm by myself ... it can -- though not at a frequency high enough to call it problematic -- get ugly. A great example: my brief acoustic guitar and singing praise session was preceded by a good deal of swearing and raised voice because I couldn't tune the low E haha, but I wouldn't have done that in front of other people. ... So yeah, definitely things to improve.
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Post by _ on Aug 27, 2018 19:35:05 GMT -6
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 28, 2018 13:17:07 GMT -6
In recent years, I've had the mindset that nothing makes us angry. Same could go for being offended. Nothing offends us.
We get angry at something or someone. We get offended at something or someone. It doesn't make us angry. It doesn't make us offended.
There's a big difference between those concepts.
I've seen this in Ire chat a time or two. "You made me angry". Well, that just fills that person with power and control over the other person. If "yor a n00b" fills them with rage - hey, its anger on demand for anyone by simply misspelling that phrase.
I think some instances may seem overwhelming - ie: some dude punches you in the face, then shoots your mom, then steals your wallet - how can you NOT be angry? There are times where anger is the appropriate response. (best example I can think of was Jesus flipping temple tables and carrying a bullwhip)
...but I still think it doesn't FORCE anger to be generated.
Hey, I'm flailing, but this is how I post from time to time. :B
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Post by _ on Aug 28, 2018 21:44:24 GMT -6
Yeah, I feel you and agree. My anger is usually either 1) from the stupidest things like the Internet not loading at lightening speed, or 2) from an individual/institution in my life not abiding the responsibility of their role in my life, per my opinion. Both of these are grounded in expectation, which is something that I've been struggling with for years now (including in the social aspect of my depression, e.g., what support should I expect from a friend or family member). The Internet: the expectation is that it continues to work at the speed it has been; the individual (e.g., the lead on a project who is supposed to be leading rather than doing literally nothing): the expectation is that he acts according to the responsibility that is reasonably associated with his role.
The problem is that expectations simply are not realities -- they are different. One can argue that they "should" match up ... but I think we can see how that doesn't work. ... BUT, to simply suggest that i should lower my expectations or stop thinking they "should" align with reality is an slippery arugement that quickly falls into meaninglessness. I mean, we need to have some sort of expectation for the realities of life. I need to expect they floor will support me when I stand on it. I need to expect I will be taught knowledge upon enrolling in a university. I need .. and this is the one that gets me with the social aspect of depression ... I need to assume that other people use the same definitions of words that I use, or else there is literally no point in communicating at all.
Eh, don't feel like concluding/summarizing.
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Post by _ on Dec 6, 2018 21:46:46 GMT -6
oh anger, my old friend
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Post by julienbakerfan on Apr 17, 2020 9:25:05 GMT -6
Resurrecting this thread because I'm dealing with a lot of anger right now.
I think staying off social media is probably the best thing for me right now. Don't ever get involved in a discussion about As I Lay Dying on Christian metal Facebook (and for the sake of my sanity, don't start a discussion about it in this thread. Please.)
Doing something that physically exhausts me seems to help. I finally understand all the bros doing spin-kicks at hardcore shows. My apartment has turned into a vicarious Knocked Loose concert.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Apr 17, 2020 10:50:01 GMT -6
Don't ever get involved in a discussion about As I Lay Dying on Christian metal Facebook (and for the sake of my sanity, don't start a discussion about it in this thread. Please.) They're dummy poopoo butts. Like they aren't even dyingMost of the time they aren't even laying, much less dying. I saw a picture of them one time and they were all clearly alive and standing up What's their deal?
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Post by julienbakerfan on Apr 17, 2020 19:17:27 GMT -6
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Post by _ on Nov 30, 2020 20:56:11 GMT -6
I can send you some of my "anger" playlist hook me up fam. others, any recommendations? i prefer slam / deathcore breakdowny stuff; some of Black Tongue's do the trick. edit: fun fact unrelated i put on the campfire song song by spongebob after posting this
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Aug 17, 2021 12:54:36 GMT -6
How am I supposed to witness to and love other people who contribute nothing to the world other than resources harvested from their corpses?
I know there are people who try. I have endless patience and compassion for them. It's all a journey and nobody's perfect, including and especially myself.
But then I see fucking dipshits out in the world, they ignore the truth, they revel in filth, they treat me like shit, and then God's Word says I'm supposed to return it all with kindness. God's word is indeed perfect and righteous, so I can trust that this is an instruction to me, to love my enemies.
I CAN'T.
I want to so insanely badly, but I am unable. I've tried for years. This overwhelms me. Am I, someone with multiple mood disorders, supposed to become a nurturing parent for a world of self-absorbed, pants-shitting babies? The only thing I can think is, I'm approaching my calling the wrong way. Like, maybe I'm supposed to do something in solitude instead of doing active, outreach-y stuff. Or, maybe I am supposed to do outreach stuff, but to a different crowd than I am presently. Until this is revealed and explained to me though, I'm totally confused. I've become more like God in many ways. Subtly for sure, but I've seen the fruit of His work on my black soul. Yet when it comes to this raw anger... feels like I'm still at step one.
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Post by _ on Aug 18, 2021 17:46:03 GMT -6
Dialectical Behavioral therapy seems like the best evidence-based option for anger.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 29, 2021 12:33:18 GMT -6
I know there are people who try. I have endless patience and compassion for them. I can trust that this is an instruction to me, to love my enemies. I CAN'T.I want to so insanely badly, but I am unable. I've tried for years. This overwhelms me. All it takes is a thought, or a train of thoughts, for someone to have a complete change of heart. One of the reasons I think I haven't drank again, is because I know I'm just a thought or two away from thinking that's a good idea - so I'm consistently being proactive, so I won't even reach that crossroad. I'd say its the same regarding a total jerkwad that doesn't budge - he's still just a few thoughts away from overhauling his life. Whether you're the one to prompt those thoughts, is to be determined. Am I, someone with multiple mood disorders, supposed to become a nurturing parent for a world of self-absorbed, pants-shitting babies? The only thing I can think is, I'm approaching my calling the wrong way. Like, maybe I'm supposed to do something in solitude instead of doing active, outreach-y stuff. Or, maybe I am supposed to do outreach stuff, but to a different crowd than I am presently. Until this is revealed and explained to me though, I'm totally confused. Some people are a hornets nest - to even be around them, is to get stung. Its not just you, brother. There's people I run into that I can't talk to more than a few replies because they're already extremely snide from the start. For instance, some of these atheists that have made hives growing out of the side of these bigger Christian Reddit subs. Its like *some* of them are just there to throw knives and ask rhetorical questions, and when you try to ask them questions, they defer to debate protocol or just don't answer. (they're trolls - its that simple) Its case by case. Outreach doesn't mean everyone, and it especially doesn't mean folks belligerent and obtuse, or anyone else that's going to be a waste of time.
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Post by julienbakerfan on Aug 29, 2021 21:36:18 GMT -6
Don't cast pearls before swine.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Aug 30, 2021 18:32:02 GMT -6
Thank you very much for the insight, guys.
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Post by julienbakerfan on Sept 4, 2021 15:03:01 GMT -6
I need to do something about my anger management re: social media.
I just can't deal with rudeness and condescension on social media or internet forums. In real life, you usually have three options to respond to this kind of behavior--leave, act nice, or get hostile. Only option #1 works on the internet.
Example: Recently, I asked a technical question on a hobbyist forum so I could fix something irl. Apparently it was a dumb question, and people started responding like it was 4chan and pulling the "I know about this subject, so I'm entitled to be rude to people who don't" card. And I have been pissed off for days about this. I know I *shouldn't* be mad about this, it's just a bunch of old guys with no social skills flexing on the internet to distract from personal problems, but it still makes me mad enough to hit something. Example 2: I make what I thought was an innocent comment about music history on an Insta comment thread and someone gets into a heated argument about a pop group. Seriously? Problem: in real life, I would just walk away. On the internet, I'm just drawn toward negativity and drama. I have to avoid reading Twitter or "news" about PC culture for this reason, and I'm wondering if I should avoid social media and 99% of forums for this reason to. Edit: spelling
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Post by _ on Sept 11, 2021 5:13:09 GMT -6
Interactions on the Internet largely suck. And trending Internet humor (eg me: *says nothing* the world: lmao ... I loathe this format of jokes ) If anyone (inc. recent posters (n.b., not posers ha) nocturnaliridescence julienbakerfan) would like me to curate some DBT anger mgmt theory and exercises, please let me know.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Sept 11, 2021 10:48:49 GMT -6
would like me to curate some DBT anger mgmt theory and exercises Sounds interesting. I say go for it. Keep me posted! me: *says nothing* the world: lmao ... I loathe this format of jokes Me too, man
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