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Post by nocturnaliridescence on May 19, 2019 14:23:27 GMT -6
I am not good in talking about faith (tried, nobody listened. Those who where, for a second or two, decided not to care). I am not good with other people (I had quite a bunch of bad experiences with my fellow humans, so I am not that good at interacting with people. It causes higher levels of stress for me. In fact I am more busy in keeping my "mask" of being a normal relaxed person than actually talking with the person...) This describes me perfectly. I do Unblack Archives, and I make music. Not to say the music I make is always "great", but it's what I do. Oftentimes I just go throughout my day and try to ask myself what Christ would do in [whatever situation I'm in] and try to follow that. I also speak about faith - even if nobody seems to listen. It's still good to plant seeds.
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Post by anfauglith on May 20, 2019 9:33:36 GMT -6
That sounds very naturally, not like you are forcing yourself into something. I think your work on the unblack archives is a good example of the way I'd like to imagine using ones talents for God. Hm... is it a contradiction to serve God and have fun at it? Do we need do something that is hard and painful for us to do? Or even senseless? I really like to think that God created every person in a way with certain talents and aspects so that they could use them. Not for abandoning what we received and doing something we do not like in any way.
I think it is also a problem (I could imagine that it is for quite a few people in the christian metal scene or any other kind of christian "underground" culture) to adapt oneself into a christian community where people do things like most people do them. Where people have no idea of loud rock music or maybe are even shocked and disgusted by such.
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Post by jazzhead on May 20, 2019 15:05:19 GMT -6
It's a Nazarene church. We actually ended up not going anywhere this past Sunday. We slept in and enjoyed it! We feel like despite being there for 4 or so years, we're still on the outside of things. Like there's an inner circle of people that are all involved in each other's lives, but we're on the outside looking in. I've played bass on the worship team for several years, and those people are great, but there's no connection outside Sunday mornings. We've tried getting involved, but the response has always been pretty lukewarm at best. The reason we've stayed was the pastor, but he just moved away to another church out of state. We don't really have any friends and we'd REALLY like to find a church "family" to be a part of. I believe biblically we're not supposed to walk out our faith alone. We're supposed to be part of a community (TBL counts, IMO!), but when you don't make friends easily, it's hard to fit in anywhere. We're going to dinner at the new pastor's house this Friday, so that might be interesting...
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on May 20, 2019 19:58:55 GMT -6
That sounds very naturally, not like you are forcing yourself into something. God gives me encouragement and affirmation of what I'm doing. There are still days I'm unmotivated, and I have to "force myself" to get things done, but that's to be expected with any kind of work, right? But yes, it's not like I'm begging God to send me somewhere else, and He's forcing me to stay here -- this... for lack of a better term, it just "feels right" to me. It's a niche where I fit in well. And even though, of course, I'm not just "on fire" 24/7 for the scene, it IS definitely work that I enjoy doing, and work from which I benefit. Hm... is it a contradiction to serve God and have fun at it? Not at all. The idea of "serving someone" comes with negative connotations, but it doesn't inherently / automatically mean something bad. I have fun making music. I have fun getting information from bands, and seeing ALL THE RANDOM CRAP I HAVE, being formed into neat, orderly pages on Unblack Archives! And in both things, I serve God. Even just self-expression, sometimes. I'm a fairly negative and anti-social person, and sometimes I like to... say, take a really dark image of a forest, or something, and add a Bible verse to the image with medieval fonts, etc. Even in doing that, I'm serving God. I really like to think that God created every person in a way with certain talents and aspects so that they could use them. Not for abandoning what we received and doing something we do not like in any way. Correct! Things like Romans 14, 1 Corinthians 8, and The Parable of the Talents, reflect this. We are all given different responsibilities / assignments, often based on who we are as individuals. I wouldn't say this applies 100% of the time -- I'm sure there have been some exceptions throughout history where someone was called to something entirely different from what they were used to. But the vast majority of times, it is based on who we are. Look at me, living in the shadows, avoiding most people, going for long walks by myself, ... where else would I fit, but in black metal?! And here I am! I think it is also a problem (I could imagine that it is for quite a few people in the christian metal scene or any other kind of christian "underground" culture) to adapt oneself into a christian community where people do things like most people do them. I wouldn't limit this to Christian culture. It's all cultures, and subcultures, Christian and secular, and is a lot of the reason I don't fit in most places in this world. Because I refuse to change myself to fit some expected norm. I honestly find it creepy, to change my mannerisms, my way of talking, my outlook on things...... just because that's how "the group" thinks. Like yeah, of course there are times you should adjust your behavior based on where you are. 1 Corinthians 8, which I mentioned above, gives an example of this. We are "allowed" to eat food that has been offered/sacrificed to idols. However, someone may see us eating said food, and think we are endorsing the beliefs and practices of those religions. So we should avoid that food anyway, so we don't give off the wrong message. But for the most part, there's no reason for it. Even before I was "born again", I was never part of the secular black metal scene. I couldn't relate to it. Very few people in the secular scene ever had similar beliefs to mine. Very few people were........ well, individuals. Most of them had the exact same personality, exact same tastes, exact same beliefs, etc. and I just wasn't like that. I would find these "strange" "misanthropic" "deep-thinking" people, who would get my interest, only to read interviews and discover they were just normal, boring people. I desperately sought out spiritual communication, meditation, experiences, knowledge from within and from ancient texts, and so on, out of a desire to discover the truth and serve the divine...... only to discover most other people had very surface-level beliefs that had no real "depth" or "roots". ......... Well, I feel better now that I ranted about all this, hahahaha! But my overall point is, it's definitely not just Christians, it really is most, if not all groups on planet earth. (Edit: In those days, of course, I was VERY CONFUSED about HOW to serve the divine, and I would never recommend any of my past actions. Christ is the only way to God! Not any other spirit, not meditation, not esoteric knowledge... ONLY CHRIST!)
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Post by Thomas Eversole on May 21, 2019 13:36:26 GMT -6
I wouldn't limit this to Christian culture. It's all cultures, and subcultures, Christian and secular, and is a lot of the reason I don't fit in most places in this world. Because I refuse to change myself to fit some expected norm. I honestly find it creepy, to change my mannerisms, my way of talking, my outlook on things...... just because that's how "the group" thinks. Like yeah, of course there are times you should adjust your behavior based on where you are. I had a similar opinion for many years. I'd say it's only been since age 30 and later that my outlook about this has changed. I now conclude that it was inaccurate for me to say I don't fit in most places in this world... because I haven't been most places in this world. Everyone can fit in or not fit in online. Regarding opinions and outlook, I've found that many of the people I've encountered are open to someone else having differences, and pushback or lack of acceptance has more to do with "an obtuse presentation" of the ideas, than it does the ideas itself. Like when I was a junior/senior in high school, I went to various churches and I was a bit "gung ho", like I was Captain Christian Death Metal or something. Yeah, too intense to be bringing up that sort of thing 3 sentences into a conversation with someone I just met. I desperately sought out spiritual communication, meditation, experiences, knowledge from within and from ancient texts, and so on, out of a desire to discover the truth and serve the divine...... only to discover most other people had very surface-level beliefs that had no real "depth" or "roots". I'd say my faith is deeply rooted, but I've all but uprooted completely just to make "an obtuse presentation" go away. What comes to mind is "fundamentalist" theology in Christianity - and I'm to the point with that, I'll say about anything (except denying my faith) just to make it go away. I don't think its too far of a stretch to say that I'm practically an anti-fundamentalist, and it has nothing to do with those ideas persay, but again - the "my way or the highway" shitstorm that comes from it. I haven't discussed this aspect of fundamentalist Christianity too much, but I find its history disturbing. (I'll leave you to read about this yourselves online if you'd like) Fundamentalist Christianity basically started late 1800's early 1900's as a response to immigration. In other words, other people coming in the country were calling themselves "Christian" so some of the nation's Christian citizens wanted a set list of biblical affirmations to separate US from THEM. If this "movement" happened in today's political climate, no ands, ifs or buts about it - it would be considered flat out prejudice, perhaps even racism. Considering how many theological tryhards will argue to the pain about theological points, the "separation" aspect is obviously very alive and well. ________________________ I'll end THAT rant of my own by saying, I still haven't found a church home since the last church I left a while back. It has little to do with people, teachings, opinions and more to do with my health and "proximity". I know I've discussed elsewhere on this forum a bit what life is like after surviving colon cancer, even voicing some anxiety about "public restroom situations". I haven't properly conveyed why that level of anxiety exists, but I can assure you, its not based on a hypothetical "if". Its based on preventing something monumentally embarrassing from happening, that has definitely happened before...
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Post by anfauglith on Oct 25, 2019 11:25:09 GMT -6
Did some thinking and talking to people. Since I do not believe that the purpose of sunday worship is to get super annoyed about anything and ruining your sunday, I will check out some other methodist church near my home soon. They have applied a more modern pentecostal style (which I am not too fond of, but I am open to see it for myself) and the sermons are said to be biblical sound. So... maybe goodbye to liberal congress speeches given out as sermons 😄. Lets see. I have reached a point in my journey where I even consider quit my current church for good since it seems to be no longer a place for me.
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Post by anfauglith on Oct 28, 2019 10:40:38 GMT -6
Went there yesterday. T'was great! They have too services, on at 9:45, another one at 11:30 to which I went. The whole church was super crowded, there was not even enough room for everyone to sit, which I found amazing, taking into account that in "my" regular church a lack of seats would be the very last of problems... regretable. Sooo... I really enjoyed the sermon, even the worship part with band etc was great for me. It was more like going to a concert and I enjoyed the atmosphere ( + the songs where not that kind of cheesy worship songs everybody knows.). I think I will go there again. Enjoyed the livelyness of it all and that everything that was said and sung actually was based on God, not on some social doctrine.
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Post by anfauglith on Jan 7, 2020 10:53:56 GMT -6
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Post by anfauglith on Apr 16, 2020 7:55:46 GMT -6
Recently I decided that I wasted enough time waiting for something to happen concerning my unhappiness at my church. Currently I am thinking about and making some mental preparations to leave. Those days I was so happy to have planned some practical steps ahead, like visiting a certain church near my home for a certain time and then, when I feel it is the right thing, talk to the preacher there and maybe leave my current church for good. Not so easy thinking about this, but there is comfort in the thought that I am not leaving Christ but only one of many groups and churches that are around.
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Post by julienbakerfan on May 7, 2020 15:12:35 GMT -6
Has anyone even gone to church in the last month or so? I've been stuck going to virtual church. I think I will use this as an opportunity to quietly transition to a different church. I like many things about the church that I attended pre-lockdown, but I have significant enough theological differences that I need to be somewhere else, for the sake of my mental health. I can't jump through mental hoops forever.
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Post by julienbakerfan on May 7, 2020 15:15:18 GMT -6
maybe goodbye to liberal congress speeches given out as sermons In my experience, I've heard more conservative congress speeches given as sermons in church. For a while, it seemed like every sermon had to mention trans people, usually in the context of "look how far we've gone downhill." It's estimated that trans people make up a little over one half of one percent of the American population. But apparently this was what we needed to be focusing on in church.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on May 7, 2020 21:33:31 GMT -6
I've heard more conservative congress speeches given as sermons in church. American "Christianity" is ALL ABOUT how far people can drag the church into conservative politics and blend the two into one single entity. It's reached a point where many genuinely believe if you don't belong to the American conservative way of thinking, you literally cannot be a Christian, which is blatant heresy.
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Post by anfauglith on May 8, 2020 3:16:18 GMT -6
That is not good either! Why don't they just all form "Allegedly Christs Church of Politics and Congress speeches" and move to some small island where they can preach politics to their hearts content and leave the rest of the church alone with it all! I find it an interesting thing that the things in the US are somehow the opposite direction of how it is in Germany. Over here the larger churches are more or less in line with say the Green Party. It is not seldom quite a thing when some bishop or priest says something more conservative. Has anyone even gone to church in the last month or so? I've been stuck going to virtual church. I think I will use this as an opportunity to quietly transition to a different church. I like many things about the church that I attended pre-lockdown, but I have significant enough theological differences that I need to be somewhere else, for the sake of my mental health. I can't jump through mental hoops forever. Church services are just starting over again these days after the lockdown. With high precaution measures. I don't know if that yet is the time for me. I think I'll stick to TV church services for at least some time now before going to a real church again. What kind of church did you attend before?
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Post by julienbakerfan on May 8, 2020 18:33:29 GMT -6
Over here the larger churches are more or less in line with say the Green Party I've heard that this is the case in Europe. In Britain, all the low church Protestants vote Labour and the Anglicans vote Conservative. American "Christianity" is ALL ABOUT how far people can drag the church into conservative politics and blend the two into one single entity. It's reached a point where many genuinely believe if you don't belong to the American conservative way of thinking, you literally cannot be a Christian, which is blatant heresy. I know, right? And I'm no one's idea of a "liberal." What kind of church did you attend before? I went to a Presbyterian church before. I am not a Calvinist. I will probably go to a Methodist church after I feel safe enough to go to church in real life.
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Post by anfauglith on May 10, 2020 4:39:37 GMT -6
I went to a Presbyterian church before. I am not a Calvinist. I will probably go to a Methodist church after I feel safe enough to go to church in real life. Hope you feel well there! (My current church is methodist, but if my life is moving further in that direction it currently does, I am going to leave the UMC for good. Might have to do with the specific situation around here, though. Nothing against methodist churches in general!)
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Post by avjr on May 10, 2020 20:08:35 GMT -6
I haven't been to my church in awhile. I miss it. I appreciate the online churches I been to for years. I will go back to my church after the lockdown is over. I live in the Los Angeles County.
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Post by jazzhead on May 11, 2020 7:42:50 GMT -6
Has anyone even gone to church in the last month or so? I've been stuck going to virtual church. I think I will use this as an opportunity to quietly transition to a different church. Our church has been streaming services on YouTube, but I've given up watching. It feels more like spectating/observing than participatory worship. Like watching TV. Just not for me. I listen to sermons and such online, and listen to worship music of my own choosing, but I just can't "watch" church anymore. It's especially hard because I played in the band at my church, and now it's just one person playing piano & singing. I miss playing live music...
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Post by strangesteve on May 23, 2020 12:23:57 GMT -6
I have so much to say on this topic that it would overwhelm most people. So for now, I’ll list some questions. Have you ever been devastated and destroyed by a pastor who acted in obviously unbiblical ways? Have people in the above scenario demanded you “forgive and move on” when your spirit-man screams to reprove works of darkness? Many congregations would rather cover up sinful practices among their leaders for fear of them being exposed, losing “members” and the revenue streams that go with them. Have you suffered an event that made you such a social outcast that you can’t even find your place in your church (but keeps those tithes and offerings flowing as that’s really all you’re worth, right)? Do you observe discrepancies between the churches of today and the “First Century Churches” and just can’t be satisfied in your spirit as to the answers and cultural apologetics? Do you sense that most churches are more CONFORMED TO THE WORLD these days? Do you somehow sense that there are things that are not right with the churches but you can’t quite “put your finger on it”? Do you love Jesus but just can’t seem to find the intimate fellowship and true environment of Christian COMMUNITY you so desperately crave? Do you feel so alone that you can’t find anyone, ANYWHERE, to talk to about these feelings? Can you even admit to having these questions? And finally: can you believe that it’s possible—if not quite likely—that you just might NOT be wrong in your observations?
Can I be the ONLY ONE in this fallen world who even dares to acknowledge that I have questions like these?
Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ - Matt. 7:22,23
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Post by anfauglith on May 25, 2020 9:58:10 GMT -6
Kinda funny... wandering through my blog entries I recently realized that it is now something like almost 2 years I am complaining over and over again about the things at my church. And never seemed there to be a way out. Since a few months and since this whole lockdown thing gave me time to bethink my situation and to get active, there seem to be plenty of open doors now. Not to anywhere I would have thought like a year ago I might be going... but somehow that is just amazing and cool.
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Post by anfauglith on Jul 29, 2020 10:49:28 GMT -6
Hopefully I will not get banished from here for all times... But after much thoughts, prayer and conversation, I am going to re-convert to catholicism. Going to see a priest tomorrow for that reason.
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Post by barabbas on Aug 18, 2020 21:31:24 GMT -6
Hopefully I will not get banished from here for all times... But after much thoughts, prayer and conversation, I am going to re-convert to catholicism. Going to see a priest tomorrow for that reason. As long as you're still following Jesus, I'm good. Catholicism probably wouldn't be for me, personally. I get a bit tense regarding the additional human mediatorial figures. Seems a bit distracting. There are many wonderful things about the Catholic church, though.
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