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Post by anfauglith on Nov 13, 2018 11:10:00 GMT -6
I hope a thread like this hasn't been created before... if so... forgive me.
This thread is for telling something about the churches you attend. What you like. What you don't like. Special experiences you had. If you want to tell.
Starting. I`m member of a more small congregation which is a member of the United Methodist Church. The thing I like about my congregation is the variety of people who go there. What worries me is that I felt closer to the whole community a few years ago and some things do (I don't know if it's me or if circumstances changed) trouble me.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Nov 13, 2018 20:47:53 GMT -6
I belong to a Reformed church. For some reason, it technically belongs to some other (denomination?) but it used to be called a "Reformed" church, and apparently still has almost identical doctrine, so, okay, lol Apparently it's one of the only good churches on planet earth. Almost everybody I meet complains about churches. Mine has a good community. A few judgmental / "uppity" types, of course, but not many. It's not over-the-top with technology or anything. We don't have a band or special effects. Just a small choir and a keyboard/organ. They place an emphasis on core doctrine (the gospel) while not ignoring lesser-known passages (the people being mauled by bears in 2 Kings, for example) so a more "complete" picture of the Bible is presented to us. It's not lukewarm, feel-good prosperity stuff, for sure... but we are still given comfort and encouragement as well. Also, our pastor was a scientist before becoming a pastor. Not a world-renowned scientist or anything, but that's still cool! And it's fun to keep in mind whenever random internet trolls try to tell me how "Christianity and science are inherently at odds with each other", etc.
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Post by exo on Nov 15, 2018 10:59:24 GMT -6
My church situation has changed drastically over the last 3 months......as in I actually make an effort to go.
Still can’t make Sunday services because of my work situation......but we left the small congregation we’d been attending for the last several years because over the last year, the pastor started veering down a route of teaching and preaching that was very much “stereotypical ‘80’s Southern Baptist” in that it was all hyper legalistic “my opinion presented as Biblical truth” stuff regarding entertainment choices and such. Very little actual teaching on scripture. There were times where he was very clearly preaching a poorly researched “canned sermon” from someone else, trying to put it in his own words.....and there were times where one of my early adult children would try to provide him information he was missing on a subject and be simply brushed off.
The last straw was one of them being told that their disagreement with him was a matter of “sometimes conviction is uncomfortable”......
I know EXACTLY how destructive that type of environment can be, as growIng up in a similar situation during my late teens during the aforementioned ‘80s and early 90’s is why I have attended 2-3 times a year outside of our yearly church camp vacation, and only begrudgingly at that.
We’ve found a new church home since then, and I make an effort to get there with my family for Wednesday night activities. Missed one week since September........
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Nov 15, 2018 13:17:23 GMT -6
Most of my adult life was not going to church at all. I went to a church for a few months last year, but stopped going because... it turned into a bad joke. (assistant pastor let their kid demolish the cathedral during the sermon)
I'm not a fan of the corporate church model.... you know, where we all sit facing the same direction and listen to someone single-verse-scripture-whiplash across the bible for an hour. Church to me is more the Bible study format.
Not because there's an opportunity for someone besides one dude to speak, but usually there's more of an encompassed lesson?
I think there's judgmental people wherever we go - and people putting personalities above principles....
I miss the fellowship aspect of it most of all. ....and I wish I didn't have the anxiety regarding my health and attending as well. As a colon cancer survivor, the church is one of many places that seems to be ill-equipped in the restroom situation.... ...and as sad as it is to say, I'd rather not go to church than shit my pants at church.
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Post by Borndead on Nov 15, 2018 14:06:44 GMT -6
The only church I ever went into was the catholic one. In the past 3-4 years I´ve maybe been there a handful of times only to satisfy my parents (they´re catholic) and I hated it with all my being. While people would participate in the mass; i´d pray for them to leave this cult. Anyways, at the moment I´m not really motivated to join one or go on a search for the "right" one, but I rather talk with you brothers/sisters and other believers in private or online.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Nov 16, 2018 8:53:22 GMT -6
Anyways, at the moment I´m not really motivated to join one or go on a search for the "right" one, but I rather talk with you brothers/sisters and other believers in private or online. I feel very much the same way. Matthew 18:20 (NLT) For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them. ...and to me, this forum is more of a daily church to me than actual church has been. Don't get me wrong, I want to like the corporate/scheduled aspect of weekly worship.... but it just hasn't inspired me spiritually, like other formats in my life...
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Post by Deepfriar on Nov 24, 2018 21:40:36 GMT -6
I quit going to the last church I tried to make home because I found out the pastor was plagiarizing sermons from another pastor in another church several hundred miles away (in a different state) and presenting them as his own. He went so far as to say he got a 'download' from the Lord one Sunday, which I guess was true because he downloaded the sermon from YouTube but I'm not sure it was from the Lord (at least directly to him).
It was blatant plagiarism; he even used the same jokes and examples during the sermons. It was very disappointing because I felt I had finally found a decent church. It is still a decent church I suppose and they are doing a lot of outreach in the community.
Honestly, I had begun having theological differences with the pastor anyway when he took a stab at grace teaching by trying to quantify the importance of topics in the Bible by how much material is dedicated to that topic. He was basically saying, 'this' much of the Bible talks about this, and 'this' much of the Bible talks about this, so this is as important as this etc. It just doesn't work that way. The Old Testament covers 4,000 years whereas the New Testament covers roughly 60-70 years. Of course there won't be as much material about grace as there is about legalism because grace wasn't revealed until after the cross.
I haven't found another church yet. I've checked out a couple live streams and there was one that was worth considering, but it was a bit of a drive and would have interfered with my ability to spend time with family as we have a Sunday afternoon meal tradition so I decided against it. I'll be finding another church eventually but I am not rushing it. I refuse to go just to say I am going to church. I will go when/where I feel led. I know the importance of commitment and I don't take it lightly or minimize the importance of assembling with other believers, but I do go to a family Bible study faithfully every week so I don't think I am slacking too much.
*end rant* lol
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2018 0:06:04 GMT -6
The majority of my life has been spent in three different churches. The first was the one I grew up in. It is part of a relatively small, Baptist-ish denomination but the church itself was massive. I was a pretty shy kid so I had a hard time connecting with the other kids there, and eventually switched churches for that reason. I came back to this church (for reasons I will discuss later) before I left for college and was able to better gauge what it was like (now that I was older and a Christian). The church taught the right things, but they taught at a very shallow level, and almost everything was focused on life application rather than on God. There was no real theology taught there, nothing with any kind of deep substance to it...the teaching wasn't wrong, it just wasn't deep. I think it was too seeker-friendly. The kids program also put way more of a focus on fun than on learning.
When I was about 13 I left that church and started going to a different, smaller but still relatively large church. This one was non-denominational. The smaller youth group made it easier for me to connect and (after about three years, lol) I finally made friends there. The youth pastor that was there when I started going there seems alright, but I wasn't all that doctrinally-informed at the time and I can't remember what he was like very well. He was a really nice guy, that I know for sure. He left right around when I finished middle school and they brought a new guy in at the start of freshman year. This new youth pastor had a facade of wisdom but really didn't know how to interpret Scripture well at all. It was difficult to learn anything in the environment that he lead, where "sermons" (I use that term in the loosest way possible) were given by other, equally uninformed students. I had some pretty wrong beliefs during that time which have thankfully been ironed out since, but MAN. I think the biggest issue that I had with him at the time (and I still think it was the biggest issue, looking back) was his approval of homosexuality, which is a denial of Scripture for which I cannot stand. He was also very Arminian and seemed to have an off-the-wall view of hell. Thankfully he wasn't too pushy about his views, and we often never got deep enough (in teaching or discussion) to the point where they would even come up. I really admired him at the time, but looking back I wish I left that church YEARS before I did. Furthermore, my close friends at the church (which were the other high school juniors and seniors when I was that age) just did not act in a godly manner when supervision was gone. Whenever we were hanging out on our own, we may as well have been indistinguishable in conversation from normal high schoolers...which is certainly a problem. Most fellowship that I experienced there was shallow and fake.
All of that being said, there were still some positive things that came out of there and God used it for good things. For example, it was through that church that I connected with my mentor who provided me with great guidance through my last two years of high school. It was also on a mission trip with that church that God saved me.
I slowly stopped going to that church and started going back to the original one during the latter half of my senior year of high school as I became more and more disillusioned with the place. I fully left a couple months before my graduation and attended church with my parents again through the end of summer until I went off to college.
Once I got to college (I go to a Baptist school) I started going to the large Baptist church in town since I had been there a couple times before and knew it had good reviews. I was frankly pretty lazy about it at first during my freshman year. I failed to get involved and mostly just showed up and left without really talking to anyone besides my friends most weeks. God changed my heart about it though and right at the end of freshman year I became a member and am now actively involved in the church. And this church has been such a blessing - the teaching is richly theological (and 99% correct). I find myself much better able to grow, learn, and connect with both God and others. It's an awesome place which has made me realize just how much I missed out during the first 18 years of my life. The church is almost Reformed Baptist, but just not officially Reformed. They're far from Arminian though and there's a heavy focus on the sovereignty of God. A minor theological shift in my beliefs this fall has now left me as a Presbyterian going to a Baptist college and being part of a Baptist church, but that's okay. I'm very thankful for where God has brought me.
I hope this was coherent...I've stayed up later than I should have tonight, lol.
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Post by anfauglith on Dec 22, 2018 9:36:39 GMT -6
Sorry to bother you guys again with my ever repeating church issues... But I have to. Otherwise I will burst with anger and/or frustration.
I decided not to go to my churches service tomorrow. Instead I will visit a service on today evening by one of the big "official" churches here together with my parents. I'll be back at my church on december the 24th. But not on sunday. The reason (besides of being sick and needing the sleep in the morning) is, that there will be a sermon about "social justice" (not by our pastor). Not, that I don't think that social justice matters. But for a while I have heard enough about it from the pulpit. Especially when it comes to get this certain political colour. So: I am not going. Additional I decided to give my yearly special christmas donation not to my church but to a medical center for homeless people. I somehow think it's more needed there. And for me not giving it to my church but somewhere else is a kind of positive way dealing with my anger.
So maybe you think: Why does the bloody guy not just leave his church instead of annoying everybody here with his rants? Thinking about leaving my local church for some while I found out that mostly every church will have something in which I will not agree. Maybe the whole issue is just me being a loner who can't fit in anywhere completely. I will be watchful anyway. Maybe some time I will have the certain impression that I should rather go to this or that church. Than I will go there. But as long as I don't have a clear idea of some place better to go and to worship, I will just stay where I am .
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Dec 23, 2018 12:40:31 GMT -6
Maybe the whole issue is just me being a loner who can't fit in anywhere completely. I think this is part of my issue as well, my friend. there will be a sermon about "social justice" (not by our pastor). Not, that I don't think that social justice matters. But for a while I have heard enough about it from the pulpit. Especially when it comes to get this certain political colour. Yeah, I'm not a fan of "opinion" sermons. I think some preachers are a little too eager to take advantage of the sermon platform to blanket an opinion to a crowd people. This was a few years ago, but I went to a friend's church (just visiting for a Sunday) and it was the regular pastor, but his sermon was all about Facebook.... and the approach was like "we're all using it too much" "its taking our focus away from God" etc. I found it too presumptuous that he "knew" all people were using Facebook too much. (meanwhile, I've never had a Facebook account)
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Post by anfauglith on Dec 25, 2018 5:29:53 GMT -6
I think some preachers are a little too eager to take advantage of the sermon platform to blanket an opinion to a crowd people Yes, that is exactly how I see it. I like sermons in which people get at least some air to breathe (means: thinking about it for their own). Peoples lifes are different, so everyone must apply the gospel and Gods word in their own unique situation. And that in my oppinion doesn't work if you get some (in the worst case political in the meaning of party politics) oppinion with a hammer in your head.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2018 15:25:28 GMT -6
Yes, that is exactly how I see it. I like sermons in which people get at least some air to breathe (means: thinking about it for their own). Peoples lifes are different, so everyone must apply the gospel and Gods word in their own unique situation. And that in my oppinion doesn't work if you get some (in the worst case political in the meaning of party politics) oppinion with a hammer in your head. While I generally agree, it's also important to remember that Scripture means what Scripture means. I've found that churches that are unwilling to take a stance on doctrinal matters end up teaching only the most basic things. But for political stuff, I agree that it's best if it's generally avoided in preaching. Preach the Word!
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Post by anfauglith on Dec 28, 2018 9:41:27 GMT -6
it's also important to remember that Scripture means what Scripture means That's somehow exactly what I am talking about. In some cases it doesn't need too much words to explain the meaning of scripture. Or a preacher should choose words careful to avoid twisting the word of God. In some cases God (in my oppinion!) choses to talk differnent to (for example) two person through a single verse. Everybody is at his own point in life. That's where God wants to work with you. And that (once again: in my oppinion) gets messed up if the exegesis is coloured with to much personal oppinion from a preacher. (Latest example that made me angry: "Jesus was born into a patch work family and raised by a single mother". NO! He wasn't.That just doesn't stand there. That's just what the preacher wants to read, not caring about what the bible actually says. Don't get me wrong. A person may have such thoughts and a person may also do some far fetched examples. But for oneself. In private. That should in no case be the things preached from a pulpit.)
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2018 10:50:13 GMT -6
Perhaps I misunderstood you. My apologies. In my past with a particular church, I've seen a great deal of damage caused by the idea that part of Scripture can (validly) mean two different things to two different people.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Dec 28, 2018 11:29:42 GMT -6
In some cases God (in my oppinion!) choses to talk differnent to (for example) two person through a single verse. Romans 14. He does give different convictions to different people sometimes. It's just that some people take that too far out of self-interest, rather than out of a desire to serve God. Which often spirals into worship of the self, rather than God.
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Post by anfauglith on Dec 28, 2018 12:16:54 GMT -6
Perhaps I misunderstood you. My apologies. In my past with a particular church, I've seen a great deal of damage caused by the idea that part of Scripture can (validly) mean two different things to two different people. Don't worry. I wasn't offended or so. It is important to me that it is not the "clear word" I am against but to take scripture to much into party politics or social doctrines. (Anyway, the whole thing with my church leaves me frustrated right now. I want to find a solution but I can't because at the moment there seem to be none. Kind of my problem has, I think, to do with other people and personal dissapointments. But that doesn't change things for me right now)
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Dec 31, 2018 14:21:43 GMT -6
it's also important to remember that Scripture means what Scripture means. I've found that churches that are unwilling to take a stance on doctrinal matters end up teaching only the most basic things. In my past with a particular church, I've seen a great deal of damage caused by the idea that part of Scripture can (validly) mean two different things to two different people. The damage I've seen done had little to do with the meaning of scripture, but the emphasis put behind it. A little Southern Baptist church I went to when I was a kid liked to put a huge emphasis on men being the head of the household. There was enough fire-and-brimstone attached that the working-mom/stay-at-home-dad couples stopped attending. A little Penecostal church I visited in a neighboring town had a sermon that was just a knock-down-drag-out over Leviticus 18:28, enough to where I saw one person with a tattoo on their arm walk out. I agree that scripture meaning/interpretation has little room for personal opinion, but emphasis has a lot of room for personal opinion. That opinion is on how to approach other Christians. It sucks ass when a church would rather take the approach that essentially throws the pile of scriptures on Christian fellowship in the garbage, just because the dude on stage wants to rant about super-adherence to doctrine exhibit A. I like it when churches just stick to the basics during the sermon and save the doctrine discussions for a more personal setting so questions can be asked and answers can be given. Bottom line, If I wanted to see someone on a stage use their time to bash various patrons in an audience, I'd rather have that done in a local stand up comedy setting instead of a church setting.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2019 20:44:21 GMT -6
Yeah, I agree that churches can overemphasize certain things which can cause unnecessary division. I've personally not witnessed that. When I made my last post, I was thinking about the church I went to in high school. I remember a Sunday night where the youth group was gathered with the youth pastor and we began talking about what we thought hell was like. We each came up with our own idea of "what made sense to us" and none of us even opened a Bible to help us come to conclusions. We took some premises and ran with them to all sorts of false conclusions, and our youth pastor ran right along with us. There was no instruction, no learning, just self-deceit.
The two churches I grew up in (the aforementioned one as well as the rather large evangelical church my parents attend) both shied away from taking doctrinal stances or teaching anything remotely deep, which I found to be ultimately damaging. You don't grow by being fed baby food all your life. It wasn't until I got to college that I was taught sufficiently, and I regret spending all of those years in those churches which didn't teach.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Jan 1, 2019 21:51:42 GMT -6
what we thought hell was like It is ASTOUNDING how many false things modern people believe about Hell. We're not talking about nitpicking details to fit their interpretations either, we're talking, most people don't seem to even know what details are out there to twist. I can't even count how many people, for example, seem to think Hell is a kingdom for demons; that the devil lives there and rules Hell like how God rules Heaven, that the demons live there and torment humans who go there, etc. Neither the devil, or his demons, are in Hell yet. When the time comes however, they will be thrown into Hell and tormented/punished just like the humans who go there. (Revelation 20:10, Matthew 25:41)
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2019 21:58:36 GMT -6
In the story I told, I think that at least most of us were aware that hell was a place of punishment. But you're right...the misconceptions you mentioned are sadly common.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Jan 2, 2019 10:30:27 GMT -6
I remember a Sunday night where the youth group was gathered with the youth pastor and we began talking about what we thought hell was like. We each came up with our own idea of "what made sense to us" and none of us even opened a Bible to help us come to conclusions. We took some premises and ran with them to all sorts of false conclusions, and our youth pastor ran right along with us. There was no instruction, no learning, just self-deceit. I agree that churches can overemphasize certain things which can cause unnecessary division. What do saved Christians disagreeing (about what hell is like) have in common with childless male mechanics disagreeing (about what a junior-high fine-arts ballet is like)? Both are chomping at the bit to not only be right, but insist the other is wrong ...over something they themselves will never attend or experience. I think "unnecessary division" is a bit of an understatement. "Egomania" might be more applicable.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2019 22:18:47 GMT -6
It wasn't that we were even arguing over hell that night. No one really contended with another's point of view. We just ran with ideas without seeing what God Himself had to say about it.
One's view of hell is often a result of soteriological views and well as one's view of the nature of man and the nature of God. While perhaps it is better to get to the core issues rather than focusing on what hell is like, it's still something that is worth discussing as we dive deeper into what God has revealed to us through His Word.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Jan 3, 2019 0:13:57 GMT -6
Yeah, I agree that churches can overemphasize certain things which can cause unnecessary division. I've personally not witnessed that. When I made my last post, I was thinking about the church I went to in high school. I remember a Sunday night where the youth group was gathered with the youth pastor and we began talking about what we thought hell was like. While perhaps it is better to get to the core issues rather than focusing on what hell is like, it's still something that is worth discussing as we dive deeper into what God has revealed to us through His Word. Sorry bro. You lost me. Are you saying "what hell is like" is both - an example of unnecessary division you've personally witnessed - still worth discussing as we dive deeper into His Word ? I think its very important to have a viewpoint on hell - what it is, what will happen. I wouldn't have considered "what's it like?" as a crucial stance for a Christian to have though, honestly. That being said, I don't see anything inherently wrong with speculating on topic with the youth pastor to kill time in a boring class. Unless you guys were being rewrite-your-life serious about it? Again sorry, I can't tell from your posts.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2019 21:44:27 GMT -6
No, I haven't seen views of hell cause unnecessary division. I was clarifying why I made my first post to begin with - I'd seen damage caused by the idea that Scripture can teach multiple, conflicting, valid truths. That's why I mentioned the thing from my youth group in high school. It didn't cause any division. And we weren't really speculating. We just took turns coming up with some ridiculous conclusion based on half-true premises without examining Scripture. And the pastor encouraged it.
My comment about unnecessary division was me agreeing with you regarding the stories you said, about the working mom + stay-at-home dad thing and tattoos.
And yeah, I do believe it (what hell is like) is something worth discussing, but there are other things that are more worth discussing.
I understand your confusion about the things I said, lol. Not even sure if this post makes sense.
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Post by anfauglith on May 14, 2019 11:44:38 GMT -6
Around eastern I was feeling kind of better when visiting church. Like some moments of rest from all this polticial-social-whatever-quarrels in the methodist church. But I guess it was just a short break. Even though the last service I attended a week ago was really great (it was about praising God for the beautiy awesomeness of nature), I once again got this feeling of just needing a break from everything, especially from this whole german mainline protestant approach to everything, this kind of phrases, this kind of sermons, this kind of topics that use to pop up every now and then. Some time ago on a mostly rainy saturday afternoon, I took a short walk in a park around here. The sun was gazing through the clouds. Not much people around, everything where quite and decent. That was quite a religious moment for me and I talked to god and thanked him for this experience. So... last saturday I didn't got to church. And I do not know if I will go there coming sunday. Maybe my wife and me are just driving somewhere to camp... I feel this longing for something spiritual, for god. But the whole way in which christianity is presented at my church (and even at most of the christian pages, churches etc. I know) turns me of these days. I feel like a bad person and maybe I am going to hell for that. But I just can't relate to that christian way of being christian these days. I enjoy thinking about life, about God, even if there is a god, and what are my reasons suggesting there is God, my experiences on my way, and also my reasons why there might be no god at all. Just thinking without having this pressure to just accept a certain outcome of my thoughts. I also enjoy allowing me to be just who I am and doing the things I like. Over the last times I had this idea that you have to serve others or one is of no use and is acting against gods will. Now I am about to drop this idea, because it so many times left me awfully frustrated because I seem to find no way to really "serve" anybody. I am allowing me to just be who I am and to act and think according to my personality. That is so much like fresh air. I sometimes wish to be a kind of cliche irish monk standing on a green coast gazing towards an endless sea, with the sun setting and clouds adrift like peaceful sheep drifting in their sheep dreams. Awesome... I just need a break, at least from church. Thank you for listening to my rant!
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Post by Borndead on May 14, 2019 17:55:55 GMT -6
I relate so much with what you´ve said. We often deny ourselfs the freedom to think..it´s perfectly acceptable to question your beliefs, to question your way of serving to people and God. I hate the way we are portrayed and also the way some christians portray us. But in the end it´s not so much about others or the way we feel but it´s about our personal relationship with God. In the end, if we try to strengthen this relationship through prayer there´s no posibilty to fail(at least, I think so). Some may be drawn to a church, some to camp in nature, and others might be closest to God and peace while making art. I´m not sure if my words are useful here, but I still wanted to offer my moral support to you
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Post by jazzhead on May 15, 2019 9:06:28 GMT -6
I relate so much with what you´ve said.] I´m not sure if my words are useful here, but I still wanted to offer my moral support to you This Sunday, my wife and I will be visiting a different church than the one we've been attending for the past 4 years because we just don't seem to fit in. We're questioning if we should go to church at all. I know we're supposed to fellowship with and have community with other believers, but quite frankly I've never felt closer to God than when I'm hiking out in the wilderness or standing on the summit of a mountain. You've got my moral support as well!
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Post by anfauglith on May 15, 2019 9:49:31 GMT -6
These days I somehow am looking more for a kind of personal spiritual experience or experience with God than churches and doctrine. That might sound paradox: but sometimes I am visiting pages from Unitarian Universalists and read through their stuff and "devotionals". I kind of appreciate this space left blank in them for everybody to put in their own thoughts. And I am sick of the german mainline churches (sorry for that) fucking political correctness... it really turns me of. It is not that I am per se against the ideas that stand behind trying to be "political correct", but this obtrusiveness in which it is spilled all over the place... no thanks... I rather think for myself. than the one we've been attending for the past 4 years What kind of church did you attend, if I may ask? And what are the kind of experiences that make you feel not fitting in? I'm asking because I hope to learn from that, because the feeling is well known to me these days. Thank you for your kind words, borndead and jazzhead!
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on May 15, 2019 21:26:37 GMT -6
I suppose a question worth posing is: What exactly do you want from Christianity? Do you want to serve the highest divine purpose, regardless of where God directs you (intrinsic religiosity), or do you want to get something out of Christianity, like a sense of community, or blessings (extrinsic religiosity)?
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Post by anfauglith on May 17, 2019 9:01:50 GMT -6
Hm... if it where that easy. Driven by (maybe too limited) ideas of how one could properly serve God I asked many times in prayer where or how God wants to use me. To be honest I never really got a reply. Things I tried out went horrible wrong. I am not good in talking about faith (tried, nobody listened. Those who where, for a second or two, decided not to care). I am not good with other people (I had quite a bunch of bad experiences with my fellow humans, so I am not that good at interacting with people. It causes higher levels of stress for me. In fact I am more busy in keeping my "mask" of being a normal relaxed person than actually talking with the person...). Having a talent for lyrics and texts I tried to write some lyrics for worship etc. Didn't work. Etc. etc. So right now I try to get rid of the idea of having to do those classical christian things one would come up when thinking about "serving god". Instead I am trying to fully accept myself as I am, to be grateful for the things I have in life, for the things I am good at (may they be the "christian thing to do" or not... may they be of use or even of interest to anybody but me ... or not), for persons I enjoyed talking to etc. To look at the world as it appears to me. Weather, seasons, various forms of life. Looking at the history of mankind as it is. Greatness and tragedy and horrors... etc. I don't know. Maybe in doing those things and following this more subjective approach I am no longer christian? I don't know. In some way for now I can not care about it, because all this pressure of living a "christian life" (or what I took for it) was driving me nuts. In addition to the insecurities this whole mess in my church gave me. For now I decided to just watch and listen and see what might appear to me. (Sorry for the large amount of not recyclable letters... I just had the feeling I have to answer once more)
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