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Post by _ on Dec 12, 2017 21:22:57 GMT -6
I have a lot of thoughts and questions, in general. Maybe I'll use the random thoughts and random questions threads more later this month.
Do you think it is reasonable to hope my desire to have personal (i.e., outside the realm of professionalism) mentorship can be fulfilled? I find if I feel I could benefit from guidance (that is more than something simplistic or platitudinous) regarding anything on the biopsychosocial spectrum (e.g., how to manage emotions, how to balance recognizing what others think of you (as a means of (godly) behavior feedback) versus not caring what people think about you and being self-assured of your actions, how to think logically or real-world-problem solve), I am hard pressed to find that someone. My parents and family have financial wisdom and have raised me well via general life guidance, but I don't feel like I can learn from them in this more social/emotional/personal/mental way ... similarly, I am hard pressed to find friends to whom I can reach out. Quick clarification: I am infinite millions of miles away from trying to imply that I am wiser than those around me. It's only that I've noticed that if I want to grow personally ... it's pretty much just up to God gracing my self-awareness to see the need for growth and then me thinking about what I should do differently based on just my own thoughts. As one may readily see, this is pretty darn limiting to growth. ... So, *essentially copy and pastes first sentence*, do you think it is reasonable to hope my desire to have personal mentorship can be fulfilled? If it's not reasonable, I need to just accept that and keep doing what I can myself, which would primarily include "self-guiding" (by doing what I think is right, reflecting via self-awareness, etc.) and sometimes asking others for advice that may or may not turn out to be helpful.
Wow, hopefully that made some sort of sense.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Dec 13, 2017 17:53:45 GMT -6
Do you think it is reasonable to hope my desire to have personal (i.e., outside the realm of professionalism) mentorship can be fulfilled? Absolutely. That's the short answer. The longer answer, well.... The Alcoholics Anonymous program has a big emphasis on sponsorship. (sponsor, mentor, poTAYto, poTAHto) Most meeting formats invite people to get a "temporary sponsor" or ask the chairperson after the meeting questions, if they have them. You might be thinking, "ok, I'm not an alcoholic....?!?!??" - this is where I'd state that the 3rd tradition states, "The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking." (stop, not start, poTAYto, poTAHto) I'd also like to add - there's HUNDREDS of different 12 Step Programs, most of which have nothing to do with substance abuse. Change 1 word in the first and last step, all new program. Emotions anonymous started in the 70's. I went to those meetings for a few years after sobering up. There was an emphasis on sponsorship there too. Its no secret that life is just easier when you got someone to spot you and help you out. Here's the general 12 steps in layman terms. So.... if you want a good and fast mentor, you can't go wrong with a 12 Step support group - I personally think ANY of them would be adequate, or at least could point you in the right direction. I would be SHOCKED if there wasn't locally to you. Hell, I live in a VILLAGE, we have a gas station (TADA!) and there's even 3 different meetings throughout the week, a 2 block walk for me. Anyway - my recommendation on looking for a mentor.... there's a saying in AA. "Sponsorship at its core, is two liars trying to sort out the truth." It is NOT (I repeat NOT) the sponsor bossing the sponsee around. "Do what I say or your fired." NO. You should ask someone that has "something" you want. Its really your job to ask them, not them to offer to you. Who knows what you're getting and why they offered if you're thinking of that route. Every sponsor I've had, I watched them speak at meetings.... if they seemed like a "more together version of me", then I asked them. So.... yeah. That's about it for now. I'd be happy to answer further questions. The shorter version of the longer version - Google what types of 12 step programs there are. Find one close to you. Go. Talk. Find a solution and fix the problems. You will be happier.
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Post by _ on Dec 13, 2017 22:36:48 GMT -6
Thanks, bro. I'll definitely think about this more.
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Post by _ on Dec 30, 2017 14:29:21 GMT -6
Anyone able/willing to send me a digital file of "At The Throne Of Judgement" by Christageddon? I bought the CD and was downloading it to my iTunes but that song didn't work and the CD made a terrifying sound in my laptop so I don't want to put it in again.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Dec 31, 2017 6:13:08 GMT -6
and the CD made a terrifying sound in my laptop Isn't it supposed to be a terrifying sound? I'm confused. [rofl]
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Post by _ on Jan 1, 2018 20:48:43 GMT -6
1) Anyone besides Thomas have thoughts on my December 12th post in this thread? 2) Do some people actually like being cold? I feel like I've read metal folks saying they enjoy being cold in winter. If you're warm in cold weather, I could jive with it ... but straight up cold? That sounds unpleasant. 3) Anyone know of a software or service I can use to design shirts? I have some ideas and lack the technical or artistic savviness needed for fruition.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Jan 1, 2018 21:17:51 GMT -6
1) Anyone besides Thomas have thoughts on my December 12th post in this thread? I probably could, but I'm the wrong person to ask. Interpersonal / social things aren't my strong suit. I wouldn't feel right giving my input. 2) Do some people actually like being cold? I feel like I've read metal folks saying they enjoy being cold in winter. If you're warm in cold weather, I could jive with it ... but straight up cold? That sounds unpleasant. Depends how I feel that day, honestly. Sometimes I honestly enjoy a good walk in the cold. Though generally speaking I like weather that's "cool", not "cold". 3) Anyone know of a software or service I can use to design shirts? I have some ideas and lack the technical or artistic savviness needed for fruition. The only thing I can think of would be finding an artist and commissioning them.
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Post by _ on Jan 2, 2018 11:24:40 GMT -6
nocturnaliridescence I'd especially appreciate your input since interpersonal things aren't your strong suite
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Post by barabbas on Jan 2, 2018 23:29:19 GMT -6
Do you think it is reasonable to hope my desire to have personal (i.e., outside the realm of professionalism) mentorship can be fulfilled? As I think I've mentioned, I can't post as often as I'd like. So thanks for the reminder/second request. As Thomas said, I think the answer is yes, but the challenge is how. There does seem to be a dearth of wisdom in our world today. I know you were looking for a mentor outside of your professional domain, but it would make sense to find one within it who can also provide other types of guidance. My rationale is that this would be a person who would have taken similar steps and could relate to the area in which you find yourself. It seems the kind of mentor you want would be one where the relationship grew organically. In which case, you'd need to put yourself in a community where such people can found. A Christian community would be the most natural option: a church, but perhaps other kinds of Christian gathering (like a book club?) could work, too. You'd probably have to follow your intuition about the ethos of the community and whether it is likely to have the kind of person for which you're looking. The characteristics I'd look for would be warm, relational, serious about what's important, but with a sense of humor and grace, self-awareness, but other-oriented. Dunno if any of that's really helpful, but happy to follow up.
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Post by barabbas on Jan 2, 2018 23:41:20 GMT -6
Anyone able/willing to send me a digital file of "At The Throne Of Judgement" by Christageddon? I bought the CD and was downloading it to my iTunes but that song didn't work and the CD made a terrifying sound in my laptop so I don't want to put it in again. I am both able and willing (given that I don't have the same trouble ripping it.) If it suited your purposes (and policies) you can get it here for "name your price." Send me a PM to let me know if you want me to send it to you.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Jan 3, 2018 12:15:56 GMT -6
I am both able and willing (given that I don't have the same trouble ripping it.) If it suited your purposes (and policies) you can get it here for "name your price." Send me a PM to let me know if you want me to send it to you. I already got it for him, no worries! I'd especially appreciate your input since interpersonal things aren't your strong suite Eh. I appreciate it, but I really think it'd be for the best if I passed on it.
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Post by _ on Jan 4, 2018 3:44:04 GMT -6
Do you think it is reasonable to hope my desire to have personal (i.e., outside the realm of professionalism) mentorship can be fulfilled? As I think I've mentioned, I can't post as often as I'd like. So thanks for the reminder/second request. As Thomas said, I think the answer is yes, but the challenge is how. There does seem to be a dearth of wisdom in our world today. I know you were looking for a mentor outside of your professional domain, but it would make sense to find one within it who can also provide other types of guidance. My rationale is that this would be a person who would have taken similar steps and could relate to the area in which you find yourself. It seems the kind of mentor you want would be one where the relationship grew organically. In which case, you'd need to put yourself in a community where such people can found. A Christian community would be the most natural option: a church, but perhaps other kinds of Christian gathering (like a book club?) could work, too. You'd probably have to follow your intuition about the ethos of the community and whether it is likely to have the kind of person for which you're looking. The characteristics I'd look for would be warm, relational, serious about what's important, but with a sense of humor and grace, self-awareness, but other-oriented. Dunno if any of that's really helpful, but happy to follow up. Yeah, man, thank you for the response. Looking for a mentor in my professional domain makes sense. I agree that I need to put myself in a community where such people can be found and following my intuition is a good call.
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Post by _ on Jan 9, 2018 16:14:51 GMT -6
How do you personally feel about you using swear words and about reading swear words from others? (I'm not asking about whether you think Christians should curse or not, though that is an interesting thread on TBL somewhere that I can't find right now.) I ask because I find myself more prone to curse when I feel it warranted but I want to be respectful to people here.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Jan 9, 2018 19:22:27 GMT -6
It's something I've been a bit confused about.
We are told ........... somewhere in Paul's letters, to avoid swear words. But the logic there is that swear words are coarse, improper, vulgar, etc. But in English, they also seem to add something to a statement, when used in moderation. Like in the shoutbox today. That prosperity gospel preacher trying to get money from their followers. Saying "that's vile" wouldn't accurately describe your, or my, thoughts on the matter - it's fucking vile.
But, on the other hand, there might be a way to get the same point across without swearing, too.
Personally I try to avoid swearing [since 2014] but still do it sometimes when I feel particularly strong about something. Usually when I'm angry about something. Because even though swearing can add (emphasis?) to one's thoughts, it can still come across as coarse/vulgar/etc as well.
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Post by _ on Jan 14, 2018 7:17:35 GMT -6
Y'all ever make a face like you smell a skunk when you hear an awesome breakdown or part of a song?
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Jan 14, 2018 10:05:05 GMT -6
How do you personally feel about you using swear words and about reading swear words from others? My two cents about that is outlined in this thread. Y'all ever make a face like you smell a skunk when you hear an awesome breakdown or part of a song? I'm actually not sure of my facial expressions during my favorite part of a song.... because I'm miles away, on stage, performing what I hear. [band]
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Post by _ on Jan 14, 2018 20:43:16 GMT -6
I'm actually not sure of my facial expressions during my favorite part of a song.... because I'm miles away, on stage, performing what I hear. Nice! Another random q: are there black metal songs that advocate for social justice stuff racial justice?
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Jan 15, 2018 12:44:10 GMT -6
Not that I know of. Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with black metal themes quite the opposite of that.
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Post by _ on Feb 4, 2018 16:23:58 GMT -6
What happened at Feb 26, 2016 at 4:21am, when the most TBL people were on?
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Feb 4, 2018 19:57:17 GMT -6
What happened at Feb 26, 2016 at 4:21am, when the most TBL people were on? I WANT TO KNOW THE SAME THING I was even signed up here at that point and I can't remember
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Post by _ on Mar 4, 2018 16:58:14 GMT -6
If I want to forgive my family for not being there for me after I asked for help and was really suffering (talkin' life and death struggling, essentially), should I just go ahead and do that and that's it, or should I let them know that I forgive them for such and such, which feels like it'd be ridiculously messy? The last time we explicitly talked about the grievance was one year ago.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Mar 4, 2018 21:57:40 GMT -6
Me personally, I would forgive them without saying anything, which is what you seem to be saying with your first option. And then if they mention it, then let them know you forgive them.
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Post by _ on Mar 5, 2018 7:16:46 GMT -6
Me personally, I would forgive them without saying anything, which is what you seem to be saying with your first option. And then if they mention it, then let them know you forgive them. Word.
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Post by exo on Mar 5, 2018 8:23:04 GMT -6
If I want to forgive my family for not being there for me after I asked for help and was really suffering (talkin' life and death struggling, essentially), should I just go ahead and do that and that's it, or should I let them know that I forgive them for such and such, which feels like it'd be ridiculously messy? The last time we explicitly talked about the grievance was one year ago. "Forgiveness" is for YOU and YOUR "peace of mind", and doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, or whether or not said people accept the Grace you've freely given them. There need not be expectation of talk, or them accepting your grievances as legitimate. "Forgiveness" transcends such things.....and frankly if your forgiveness is based upon "talking about" the grievance....have you ACTUALLY "forgiven" it? Just "food for thought", brother....
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Post by Borndead on Mar 6, 2018 8:26:28 GMT -6
Random question: When did you move out into your own place? How was it and what tips would you give to someone who´s getting his/her place.
Asking because in the next 2-3 months I´ll move out because of my work, I mean, I´m 25 so it´s definitely time for this step so looking for some tips and tricks hehe
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Mar 6, 2018 14:12:45 GMT -6
Anyone ever do one of those ancestry DNA tests? I can't get over the cheese in Ancestry commercials. Like someone gets tested, gets a piece of paper saying they're mostly from *spin the wheel* Germany. ...so now they wear Lederhosen, start chewing on and spitting out German words and cry when they go to Oktoberfest. Its pretty ridiculous. Random question: When did you move out into your own place? How was it and what tips would you give to someone who´s getting his/her place. I moved away from home, suddenly, age 22. Went to go live with roommate that I was in a band with. (Slough) It was awkward.... because the catalyst of it was me drinking at home, and my dad had this "not under my roof" talk with me a day or two before. My parents and I both knew why I was moving out, and what I would be doing. Pretty sure I was wasted before I unpacked that last trip. Asking because in the next 2-3 months I´ll move out because of my work, I mean, I´m 25 so it´s definitely time for this step so looking for some tips and tricks hehe I'll tell you what other bros told me when I was self conscious about still living at home age 22. What you'll gain in freedom, you'll also gain in bills.... crap you'll have to take care of yourself that was normally done by or was helped by someone else. Unless you can't STAND being there anymore, I'd take your time integrating into your own residence.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Mar 6, 2018 15:14:47 GMT -6
I can't get over the cheese in Ancestry commercials. Like someone gets tested, gets a piece of paper saying they're mostly from *spin the wheel* Germany. ...so now they wear Lederhosen, start chewing on and spitting out German words and cry when they go to Oktoberfest. Its pretty ridiculous. LOL. Commercials in general need to just go away, or at the very least get a massive overhaul. Companies are NOT cute/funny with their insanely desperate attempts to get my attention, and it doesn't help whenever I'm around a television and am subjected to the same jokes "jokes" ""jokes"" over and over and over and over
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Post by barabbas on Mar 6, 2018 22:11:40 GMT -6
If I want to forgive my family for not being there for me after I asked for help and was really suffering (talkin' life and death struggling, essentially), should I just go ahead and do that and that's it, or should I let them know that I forgive them for such and such, which feels like it'd be ridiculously messy? The last time we explicitly talked about the grievance was one year ago. "Forgiveness" is for YOU and YOUR "peace of mind", and doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, or whether or not said people accept the Grace you've freely given them. There need not be expectation of talk, or them accepting your grievances as legitimate. "Forgiveness" transcends such things.....and frankly if your forgiveness is based upon "talking about" the grievance....have you ACTUALLY "forgiven" it? Just "food for thought", brother.... I don't really know the answer, but a great place to look for an answer would be here. I could say more about that, but you can take a look around and see if it fits. I do know that we should distinguish forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is more along the lines of what exo has said here. Reconciliation isn't appropriate for all circumstances and involves a different process.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Mar 7, 2018 11:04:29 GMT -6
Agreed. There is a difference between making amends and "letting go", which is a primary ingredient to the forgiveness recipe.
I would argue, if I say I forgive someone.... and what I forgave keeps "haunting" me, that I haven't really forgiven.
I don't know about you guys, but my forgiveness has always been more complicated than just uttering the words / thinking to myself "I forgive" and then just not thinking about it anymore....
Sometimes I can't figure out how to do it, but when enough time passes, the situation almost seems to forgive itself.
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Post by _ on Mar 11, 2018 7:32:11 GMT -6
What's the situation with asking God for blessings? Never really got the whole Jacob wrestled with the angel business... Edit: also I think it's true that for His children God's love is unconditional but His blessings aren't? Random question: When did you move out into your own place? How was it and what tips would you give to someone who´s getting his/her place. Asking because in the next 2-3 months I´ll move out because of my work, I mean, I´m 25 so it´s definitely time for this step so looking for some tips and tricks hehe How are you feeling about it?
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