Post by _ on Mar 11, 2018 7:00:59 GMT -6
In part motivated by the recent shoutbox conversation and my own thoughts about being single, I decided to make this thread. Feel free to add to it in any way you feel like.
Bartimaeus I'm copying some of what you mentioned in the shoutbox both because it relates to what I'll share next and I just think it's awesome. Please let me know if you'd rather it not be immortalized in this post. "You've got to make sure that you are becoming who you need to be as a single, doing ministry/life/work, before the woman whom you want to marry will pay attention to you. In other words, walk the walk first. Character and integrity are king."
So ... where to begin. I'd rather just jump into current thoughts than give you a history of my dating/singleness. So, while I'd really enjoy dating a woman and marrying sooner rather than later (due to a calling to be a husband/father I feel I have), I'm currently trying to pursue God and my potential to be a man of God (and by extension, not a piece of crap) and I'm not looking for someone. (Wow, words are not coming out in the organized way I'd like right now.)
Here's a thing that I feel like I could use others thoughts on. One thing I don't like about the whole dating situation is how *takes a while to try to find the right adjective...* Darwinian it is. If you've studied or read about evolution, you know that, as a rule, females get to choose males and they do so on how the male can provide for them, how the male can provide for their offspring, the quality of the male's genes, etc. In competing for female mates, males have to prove their worth. By and large, humans are the same. Am I suggesting it should (or even could) be otherwise? No. Does it suck? Yeah, it kind of does. In the context of seeking (a) long-term, romantic relationship(s), I feel like my worth as a human male is rarely assumed and is rarely appreciated if I don't wrap it up in a nice box and desperately present it to the person on my knees. (I'm not explaining this well.) This dynamic seems just as apparent secularly as it does in the Christian context; if anything, the Christian context exacerbates it by using phrases like "pursue her," like I'm just an animal chasing after a female who is too good for me so I can ensure my genes get into the next generation. I don't know. I'm trying to make a summary statement/question but I've already spent too much time here, I feel. Anyways.
The purpose of this thread is to have a dedicated space to talk about the complexities of dating and being single.
Bartimaeus I'm copying some of what you mentioned in the shoutbox both because it relates to what I'll share next and I just think it's awesome. Please let me know if you'd rather it not be immortalized in this post. "You've got to make sure that you are becoming who you need to be as a single, doing ministry/life/work, before the woman whom you want to marry will pay attention to you. In other words, walk the walk first. Character and integrity are king."
So ... where to begin. I'd rather just jump into current thoughts than give you a history of my dating/singleness. So, while I'd really enjoy dating a woman and marrying sooner rather than later (due to a calling to be a husband/father I feel I have), I'm currently trying to pursue God and my potential to be a man of God (and by extension, not a piece of crap) and I'm not looking for someone. (Wow, words are not coming out in the organized way I'd like right now.)
Here's a thing that I feel like I could use others thoughts on. One thing I don't like about the whole dating situation is how *takes a while to try to find the right adjective...* Darwinian it is. If you've studied or read about evolution, you know that, as a rule, females get to choose males and they do so on how the male can provide for them, how the male can provide for their offspring, the quality of the male's genes, etc. In competing for female mates, males have to prove their worth. By and large, humans are the same. Am I suggesting it should (or even could) be otherwise? No. Does it suck? Yeah, it kind of does. In the context of seeking (a) long-term, romantic relationship(s), I feel like my worth as a human male is rarely assumed and is rarely appreciated if I don't wrap it up in a nice box and desperately present it to the person on my knees. (I'm not explaining this well.) This dynamic seems just as apparent secularly as it does in the Christian context; if anything, the Christian context exacerbates it by using phrases like "pursue her," like I'm just an animal chasing after a female who is too good for me so I can ensure my genes get into the next generation. I don't know. I'm trying to make a summary statement/question but I've already spent too much time here, I feel. Anyways.
The purpose of this thread is to have a dedicated space to talk about the complexities of dating and being single.