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Post by _ on Mar 11, 2018 7:01:38 GMT -6
Hey married people, write things here.
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Post by exo on Mar 11, 2018 8:38:38 GMT -6
About what, exactly? It’s not this big, mysterious thing that’s been so idealized and mythologized over the years. It’s just “life”, and you live it.....
Yeah, it’s a change from being single, to having a relationship, to being married.....but ALL of “life” is change. It changes everyday, every week, every month.....there’s ALWAYS some sort of change and challenge to adapt to.....and there are ALWAYS other people affected by how you adapt to those changes.
the truth of it is that being married and staying that way is not about “falling in love” with someone. There’s a huge difference between “falling in love” and “BEING in love”, and the difference there is that the first is at the whim of fit and fancy, while the second requires constant active commitment, every second of the day.
the key to that commitment is understanding “it’s not about ‘You’ “
Don’t look towards “being married” as a way to ease/solve a dissatisfaction in your life. BELIEVE ME, there will still be PLENTY of things you’ll find not to your satisfaction over the years to come. Again, that’s just “life”. A marriage commitment must exist OUTSIDE that bubble of “dissatisfaction”, or it’ll be doomed, because there’s invariably going to be nit-picking and complaints that will prey on that dissatisfaction.
Best “marriage” related advice I can give are these tidbits:
Be sure the person you marry is your best friend. I meant that quite literally. If you have a better “friend” in your life than your prospective wife...don’t get married to her until SHE is that friend. That’s what i’m talking about when I say “commitment”. If you aren’t willing, or she doesn’t want to be.....it won’t work.
And secondly: if God has told you you will be married, then just let it lie until God’s time comes. God told Abraham he would have children, and as his age advanced, he tried to put a rush on things ioutside of accordance with God’s plan.....and we all know how THAT turned out.
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Post by jazzhead on Mar 12, 2018 8:35:29 GMT -6
In the wise words of Sho Baraka: "Don't marry her if you don't plan to bury her If you sweep her off her feet then learn how to carry her"
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Post by _ on Mar 13, 2018 13:12:36 GMT -6
^awesome track.
Also Sho just put out a new album about marriage. I only heard a few tracks.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Mar 14, 2018 15:18:55 GMT -6
I'd say marriage is only the "contract portion" of the relationship; said relationship being the meat and potatoes of what's going on.
"Married". Its a nice title. "My wife" sounds a lot more grown-up than "my girlfriend". XD
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Post by Charles on Apr 20, 2018 19:22:43 GMT -6
Being married has taught me a lot about God's relationship with His people. The marriage covenant is a parallel to God's covenant with His church.
Beyond that, I have learned so much about how to live scripture. My wife and I are committed to each other, but we are flawed humans in a fallen state. So I have learned how to recall God's Word in the midst of trials and conflict. My marriage has grown my in my character and in my relationship with God.
One thing I learned is that my happiness can not ever be based upon external relationships, but rather build on Christ. Once that is settled, all my external relationships can properly flourish, including my marriage, co-workers, friends, etc...
My marriage to my wife has been such a blessing and has enhanced my life experience in life-changing ways. I love it and living it in obedience to Christ brings me closer to the Father.
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Post by nocturnaliridescence on Apr 20, 2018 19:54:20 GMT -6
Sounds like a great perspective to have on the matter Charles Glad to see you here again by the way!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2018 13:18:04 GMT -6
I think my opinion comes close with that of Charles. Being married has made me a far more stable and personalised man than when I was before I married. It gave me reasons for acting and being responsible. You have, as man, to come up for the sake of two instead of just your own. Quite a process of life.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Apr 22, 2018 7:20:35 GMT -6
A sign of a good marriage in my opinion, being on the same wavelength on so many things. Not sure how you guys are - but some people are particular about "sharing food". I myself am not. I remember years ago at work, we had a "group sandwich". Literally a big sub that we all passed around and took bites out of. This freaks some people out. Not me in the slightest. ...and that's one of the many things my wife loves me for. Watching her and her mom eat is pretty cool. They each have a plate in front of them, but they're dipping their forks in each other's plates without any discussion about it. Its like a silent agreement. Last night I'm eating some leftover hibachi noodles, rice and chicken - just a bowl of it in the living room, a casual snack really, not a meal we were eating together. My wife walks towards me - I already know what she wants. I hand her my bowl and fork, she takes a few bites, and hands it back. There wasn't even really any conversation to go with it either. I knew. She knew. Its all good.
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Post by jazzhead on Apr 22, 2018 9:16:13 GMT -6
I was married for 21 years to an amazing woman who was truly my best friend. We had a pretty good marriage, though not without its struggles. I was not saved and I see now I was a very selfish person. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and I took a leave of absence from work to care for her. I spent the last 6 months of her life by her bedside, 24/7, and I learned more about marriage during that time than I did the first 20 years. When she no longer knew who I was, as brutal and horrible as that was, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else other than by her side. Christ found me soon after and pulled me up out of a very, very dark place. He gave me the gift of a new wife, who knows and loves Him, and now I truly know what the covenant of marriage means. As my mother once explained it to me: Marriage is like three points on an equilateral triangle. You, your spouse, and God. The closer you get to each other, the closer you get to God. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Apr 22, 2018 10:00:04 GMT -6
Marriage is like three points on an equilateral triangle. You, your spouse, and God. The closer you get to each other, the closer you get to God. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. Hook, line and sinker! I gotta remember that one.
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Post by Charles on Apr 28, 2018 18:59:18 GMT -6
I was married for 21 years to an amazing woman who was truly my best friend. We had a pretty good marriage, though not without its struggles. I was not saved and I see now I was a very selfish person. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and I took a leave of absence from work to care for her. I spent the last 6 months of her life by her bedside, 24/7, and I learned more about marriage during that time than I did the first 20 years. When she no longer knew who I was, as brutal and horrible as that was, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else other than by her side. Christ found me soon after and pulled me up out of a very, very dark place. He gave me the gift of a new wife, who knows and loves Him, and now I truly know what the covenant of marriage means. As my mother once explained it to me: Marriage is like three points on an equilateral triangle. You, your spouse, and God. The closer you get to each other, the closer you get to God. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. That is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing that. Your experience has grown you in ways that words cannot describe, I'd wager. Those formless truths that elude our ability to articulate are the deepest forges upon which our souls are shaped, and the hammer is wielded by the Father. Blessings to you and your new covenant that the Lord has graced you with. Use your hard-earned wisdom in service to God, by serving His people.
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Post by Charles on Apr 28, 2018 19:03:35 GMT -6
Sounds like a great perspective to have on the matter Charles Glad to see you here again by the way! Thank you for the welcome, friend.
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Post by _ on Apr 30, 2018 9:48:20 GMT -6
anything y'all did special for your wife recently?
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Post by jazzhead on May 1, 2018 8:56:01 GMT -6
anything y'all did special for your wife recently? Mine likes flowers - a lot - so I grab some every week or two for no reason other than it makes her happy. It's been a while, so thanks for the reminder _, I'm overdue!
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Post by Thomas Eversole on May 1, 2018 9:30:06 GMT -6
anything y'all did special for your wife recently? The only time I GET my wife something really.... is special occasions. Valentines, birthday, Christmas, etc. I DO things for her though. Every week or every other week, I'll grill her up something, just for her. Sometimes its to make her getting ready for work easier, sometimes just because. Sometimes I ask what she wants, sometimes I just make it and surprise her with it. My wife is also rather crafty (literally, I'm referring to making crafts) and she likes to tap into my creativity. She seems to like it that, irregardless of what or when she asks, I will drop what I'm doing (irregardless of how important I think what I'm doing needs to be done now) and will devote my entire focus and time to her.
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Post by _ on Mar 15, 2019 18:12:45 GMT -6
anything y'all did special for your wife recently?
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Mar 16, 2019 7:55:36 GMT -6
Define "special" please. I've done plenty for my wife. I can think of a handful of things in the past few days.... ...but if any of that was special, is to be determined. XD
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Post by _ on Mar 16, 2019 9:12:01 GMT -6
something maybe unexpected, particularly thoughtful (i.e., more thoughtful than average thoughtfulness even if that average is high ha), something that would make her think 'oh dang, that was special' ha
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