Post by anfauglith on Dec 13, 2019 10:12:14 GMT -6
Hello Folks!
There is something running around in my mind which I can't put aside and which bothers me. I will try to explain it the best I can in english and I hope it somehow will be understandable given that English is not my mother tongue.
You know, the thing I really like about black metal is this certain kind of darkness. It is the same kind of darkness I enjoy in ghost stories, horror movies, stories about unsolved mysteries and crimes. In some kind I really enjoy darkness and gloom. It is not that I like it in a sense of wanting it to come true. I do not worship evil or something like that. I feel with victims of wars, with people who died too soon of some sickness. Also I do not want to really encounter some dark stuff like from horror stories. Anyhow... when I, like some minute ago, listen to Darkthrone's "Transilvanian Hunger" I somehow feel at home. It is not only the music. It is also the lyrics and the whole vibe about it. I like it when lyrics really smash you from the inside, leaving nothing but shatters and shards and ice cold wind and nocturnal mountains. It is in some way much more true to me than those kinds of songs people get to sing at the service at my church, where there is always a bright new morning and a helping hand. Don't get me wrong. I also see this as important. Forgiveness. Reparing things. Even reparing people. Putting away the ruble and building something solid, wise and true. Nevertheless I seem to need those kind of cold aggression which is not just aggression and harshness in style but also in message. As a person who tends towards melancholy and depression those things are real in my life. There they also are true and need to be honored and to be expressed. The question is that I feel like a walking oxymoron. I just can't put this together with christianity in a way that makes sense. On the one side I see the need for salvation, hope, life. On the other side I value darkness in a certain way, have somehow sick things in my life (like recently: binge reading about an until today unsolved case of homicide on a whole family on a bavarian farm back in 1922. Again: I find those kind of things really terrible. I suffer with the people. But nevertheless stuff like that fascinates me and I do not see this as something I need to conquer or erase from my life) and don't want them to leave for the reason interest in such things is somehow part of my personality.
Do you know what I mean? Did some of you had similiar experiences? Is it all together contradictory not being a "christian black metaller" but a "black metaller (or a guy who listens to black metal among other styles of music) who is christian (in some way, more or less)
There is something running around in my mind which I can't put aside and which bothers me. I will try to explain it the best I can in english and I hope it somehow will be understandable given that English is not my mother tongue.
You know, the thing I really like about black metal is this certain kind of darkness. It is the same kind of darkness I enjoy in ghost stories, horror movies, stories about unsolved mysteries and crimes. In some kind I really enjoy darkness and gloom. It is not that I like it in a sense of wanting it to come true. I do not worship evil or something like that. I feel with victims of wars, with people who died too soon of some sickness. Also I do not want to really encounter some dark stuff like from horror stories. Anyhow... when I, like some minute ago, listen to Darkthrone's "Transilvanian Hunger" I somehow feel at home. It is not only the music. It is also the lyrics and the whole vibe about it. I like it when lyrics really smash you from the inside, leaving nothing but shatters and shards and ice cold wind and nocturnal mountains. It is in some way much more true to me than those kinds of songs people get to sing at the service at my church, where there is always a bright new morning and a helping hand. Don't get me wrong. I also see this as important. Forgiveness. Reparing things. Even reparing people. Putting away the ruble and building something solid, wise and true. Nevertheless I seem to need those kind of cold aggression which is not just aggression and harshness in style but also in message. As a person who tends towards melancholy and depression those things are real in my life. There they also are true and need to be honored and to be expressed. The question is that I feel like a walking oxymoron. I just can't put this together with christianity in a way that makes sense. On the one side I see the need for salvation, hope, life. On the other side I value darkness in a certain way, have somehow sick things in my life (like recently: binge reading about an until today unsolved case of homicide on a whole family on a bavarian farm back in 1922. Again: I find those kind of things really terrible. I suffer with the people. But nevertheless stuff like that fascinates me and I do not see this as something I need to conquer or erase from my life) and don't want them to leave for the reason interest in such things is somehow part of my personality.
Do you know what I mean? Did some of you had similiar experiences? Is it all together contradictory not being a "christian black metaller" but a "black metaller (or a guy who listens to black metal among other styles of music) who is christian (in some way, more or less)