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Post by Thomas Eversole on Feb 15, 2015 20:49:44 GMT -6
What is your view/approach on a relationship with a significant other? Is it something that's a major goal in your life? ...or a source of quiet desperation? Is it something that came early in your life? ...or does it even interest you?
Does it make you angry? Does it complete your life?
For myself, it was a source of "quiet desperation" until I got into my first serious relationship, then I felt like the grass was greener on the other side. (I wanted so much to meet someone, until I did - then when they started to drive me crazy, I just wanted to be single again) My addiction took care of most of that, to my fault... ...but 20 months after that ended, I started to have a stronger and stronger drive to be with someone again.
The second serious relationship (my marriage) was great the first year - and her promotion and 80 hours a week working slowly sucked the life out of it. I see how studies have concluded love and hate are very similar in the brain - because the end of that was the most anger I have ever felt in my life.
Post marriage, I went a bit wild - got in a series of several rapid fire relationships. Not their fault - I just yearned for something else one I got it. The mixed feelings about it still intriguing to me. (ie: Wanting ice cream and then when I get ice cream, I decided I didn't really want ice cream, but I'm still glad I had "that" ice cream even though I wouldn't get "that" ice cream again.) Wow that sounded kind of crazy. LOL
My current relationship (with my fiance) is outstanding. Totally a Godsend. ...and once again reminds me of that drive and what happens to it when I meet someone who actually meets my "needs". ...but again, it reminds me my relationships are a lot like breathing - its something I really only think about when there's a problem with it, or it isn't there.
Thoughts?
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Post by Kerrick on Feb 16, 2015 12:15:25 GMT -6
I'm 28, single, and definitely wanting to settle down with someone. While I do greatly enjoy the "bachelor life" of doing what I want when I want with my money and answering to nobody about any of it... it is getting quite tiresome and boring. It'd be nice to have something/someone to strive to be better for, work towards, hope for, experience the joys and sorrows of life with, etc. However, in the past few years, dating has been more trouble than it's been worth by-and-large for me. The heartbreak, disappointment, struggles, frustrations, and all that have outweighed the positives for the most part. So the idea of dating just sounds exhausting and not very alluring haha. That being said, it's been almost a year since my last go-around and I think I'm nearing being fully energized/ready again.
There's a gal from my church who many people have been trying to get me to date for years but I always thought she was out of my league and to whom I may not really have much of anything to "bring to the table" that she didn't already possess. [She is QUITE the catch in every possible way.] But in recent times I've been doing some re-thinking and feel my initial analysis may be on the foolish side... Friday night two of my best friends (a married couple), she, and I hung out and it was really nice. I dunno, I've been thinking of maybe asking her out... We'll see! We used to lead a Bible study together a few years ago through our church but since then our social circles have diverged and only in recent months have our circles began to re-converge. I'd like to hang out with her more in group settings to figure out better just how I feel about it all.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2015 15:10:35 GMT -6
Hope it works out Kerrick! I am 32 and single. I really want to settle down, but some of my past mistakes have me leaving less to offer than many in my situation. I know God's Will will be done, and that if it is in His plan for me to find someone I will.
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Post by Kerrick on Feb 17, 2015 13:27:08 GMT -6
Thanks dude! Yeah we'll see. After hanging out with her and a couple close friends on Friday, I realize I'm a bit more apprehensive towards the idea of dating than I initially thought. I think I need to do some more soul-searching first. Also, I think that perhaps I've put so much thought/energy into the hopes of seeking fulfillment in a lasting relationship and have since neglected listening to the Holy Spirit's guidance in areas of my life more important. So I've been trying lately to just give all the mushy stuff up to Him and instead seek to listen and follow His direction for my life, not what I think I want... Well, I'm not sure what you mean by past mistakes, but thankfully we serve a God who no longer holds those against us but instead separates them as far as the east is from the west. Remember that while we all still suffer from the earthly consequences of our mistakes, you are not defined by those mistakes. God's perfect forgiveness is also a model for how we are to forgive others. No matter what you've done, you are forgiven and I'm hopeful that there is a classy Christian lady for you who also has the godly gift of forgiveness.
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Feb 17, 2015 15:36:15 GMT -6
I wish you both the best in your searches.
Myself, I find relationships to be like many things in life. It requires action, but God is in control and brings the results. In highschool I wanted to meet someone, but I stayed to myself most of the time, wondering why I'm not meeting anyone. HAHA!
The good thing about God's will though is I'm not strong enough to break it. If he wants me with someone, its going to happen. Luckily, I don't think he calls very many of us to solitude.
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Post by Kerrick on Feb 18, 2015 11:27:31 GMT -6
Thanks Thomas for the reminder of God's will. He knows the best for us, wants the best for us, and is able and yearning to give that to us. However, not at the cost of His relationship with His children which is first and foremost. I think the most likely reason why I'm still single (besides being an awkward Jesus-loving, gun-toting, beer-drinking, cargo-pant-and-metal-band-shirt-sporting, metal-cranking, conservative engineer) is that God knows it'd be easy for me to replace Him in my heart with a woman. I think He's still strengthening my relationship and dependence on Him.
On a related note... I am currently responding to an email from a female friend of mine who re-affirmed her affection towards me... Unfortunately, the feelings are not mutual. She's an awesome woman, a great friend, and someone who is fun and encouraging to be around. However, I'm just not feeling it. You can't force chemistry I guess. :-/ Prayers appreciated. I know we both intend on maintaining the close friendship we have, but gosh do I hate letting people down like this. If nothing else, I yearn to be married just so I can sport that ring and not have to break any hearts because this sucks!
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Feb 20, 2015 20:31:47 GMT -6
I totally get the chemistry thing. I've figured out that it literally has NOTHING to do with what you have in common. Willingness/ability to spend time with me is the biggest major factor. A close second is their health. As strange as it sounds, most of my "dating" experience was after my marriage ended. One of the women I dated looked great (that's just asking for a disaster right there) and she was willing to spend time with me, but she smoked like a chimney. One of the reasons I broke it off with her is because, regardless of how she looked, she didn't take care of herself. At 27, she'd already get winded just walking from point A to B. (and she got angry WAY too quick, one track mind, among other things...) I'm not in the best shape - neither is my bride to be, but we TRY - we're both in the gym 5 days a week, and to me, that makes the difference. We make time for each other, even though we both work full time jobs. I thank God every day that I've got her. I pray that you guys can find love and a woman that meets your needs. All in God's timing, right? Oh, and Kerrick, if God can hook me (a Jesus lovin, weight liftin', video game playin', all black wearin', black metal musician) with her (a cookin', knittin', country nursey girl) then you've got a great shot!
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Post by Kerrick on Jul 17, 2015 11:40:58 GMT -6
Thanks Thomas. You two look great together. I'm excited for your upcoming wedding! Please be sure to post pictures. It seems it's the parents who typically make the wedding preparations difficult. Has it been pretty smooth sailing for you two on that front? WOW, lots has happened since my last post... The friend of mine I mentioned who liked me is pregnant and getting married tomorrow. And now I'm in a pretty serious relationship with an absolutely spectacular, godly, fun, intelligent, and gorgeous woman. Here's us in Nebraska where we went to a restaurant with food from her home-region [she's Slovak by heritage]. Indeed, chemistry truly has nothing to do with similar hobbies and such. Though it has been fun to share each others' joys and experience new things. I actually rode a horse for the first time in my life for this gal! (Thankfully, she is not a "horse girl" and has no intention of ever owning any of those monstrous money-pits, unlike my sister haha.) We had a good time. We also had fun drinking beer and shooting guns. But now we are doing the long-distance thing... Does anyone have any experience with that? I would love to hear your thoughts and what was helpful for you. She's in Chicago now but will be moving back to Barcelona to continue her PhD program in a few weeks. We've been Skyping and emailing lots but it's still hard...
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Jul 17, 2015 18:04:19 GMT -6
I'll post wedding pictures for sure. No, our parents have been great about the whole thing. They're letting us decide what to do. When I say, us, I mean her. She's not in any way a "bridezilla", but there's been a few things where I thought out loud to her "Why did you ask me to pick when you didn't like what I picked?" and then we return to earth. I do have some experience with the long-distance relationship.... but its never worked out for me. There HAS to be two things to make a long distance relationship work: 1) You have to "trust" each other. 2) You have to be "together" "eventually" When I talk about trust, I don't mean not believing what she does/says - I mean, are there unknowns, skeletons in the closet that need to be out in the open? We're all as sick as our secrets and its best to get things out in the open rather than to open them up later and they cause a lot of damage. I don't have the heaviest history, but mine's not the lightest - to a certain degree, its good to know where each other have been to know where they'll go. ...in more ways than one. Regarding the together eventually, I personally wouldn't waste my time with someone if the end result was them being in their state/country and me in mine. My first long term relationship ended because of this. I went into long term treatment to get sober and get away from her (she enabled my addiction) and it was several hours away from where she lived. The moment I knew I wouldn't be able to relocate just like she wouldn't... I ended it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2015 19:38:57 GMT -6
A couple definitely does not need to have the same, or really even similar interests. My wife likes math, science, politics / current events, theological discussion / debate. Whereas I like vintage advertisements / packaging / commercials, music and toy collecting. Not very many of our interests really cross over, but we are both okay with involving ourselves at least a little in the others interests. I'll ask her to explain various political things that are going on and I will pretend I get the math jokes that she thinks are hilarious, but that I can't understand at all. On the other hand she will patiently wait in Toys R Us whilst I am trying to find the certain GI Joe figure that shipped one to a case and is selling for $75 on ebay.
Anyway, we have been married for ... thirteen years, I think. Ack, I'm gonna get in trouble if she reads this and I am wrong.
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Post by Kerrick on Jul 21, 2015 12:11:54 GMT -6
Cool, I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures Thomas! I'm glad to hear preparations are going smoothly and easily.
Thank you for the advice. Yes, I do believe we both trust each other quite well and we are discussing logistics too. Because the long-distance thing sucks and is definitely not sustainable. For now, it's doable though and we are getting to know each other in ways we wouldn't otherwise. But it still sucks... She'll be in Barcelona for a couple more years probably and so there's a good chance I'll be moving there until she finishes getting her PhD. She may be able to come here to the US to work part-time while she writes her dissertation, though she'd need to get a work visa which requires a company to "sponsor" her (which happens all the time, though her field is a little more exclusive than, say, tech support).
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2015 14:30:41 GMT -6
Barcelona is a quite awesome city, Sir.
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Post by drawnsword on Jul 22, 2015 3:26:26 GMT -6
Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
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Post by Kerrick on Jul 29, 2015 10:17:31 GMT -6
Well, I just bought my plane tickets to meet her parents in Slovakia this October.
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Post by Kerrick on Aug 6, 2015 13:00:14 GMT -6
Ugh the long distance thing is really sucking. She's nine hours ahead of me now. Before when she was just two hours different, we could Skype in the evenings and all was good. Now our schedules are nearly polar opposites. Sigh...
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 6, 2015 17:52:38 GMT -6
Sorry to hear that man. This too shall pass? Hopefully pass sooner rather than later!
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Post by kimmo on Aug 7, 2015 6:41:36 GMT -6
Thanks for being so transparent on your first post Thomas! It is totally awesome when christians can discuss these issues openly. For me, I have been single for most of my life. And what is a bit shameful is that I have had pre-marital and somewhat loose sexual relationships solely after I became a christian. But if anything, now I know why I believe God wants us to wait until marriage with all the sex-stuff. I do not know what youguys think about these issues and I am certainly not the one to judge, but I just think that my experiences have really proved the point of staying celibate. Its not easy though. I understand why it seems that so many kids get married very early...the reason seems that they want to have sex and since they cant do it outside of marriage, this issue can sometimes cloud their judgement. I dont really know, but I am guessing that this kinda stuff exists. Sometimes God can bless that releationship too and keep those people together and its great, cos we as humans fall short in so many ways. Anyway, my pre-marital sexual escapades (hah) have hurt my soul. I know it. But I know God has forgiven me and its been years since those things happened so the wounds are pretty much healed. They might come to surface when I met the lady of my dreams, but thats to be dealt with then. One thing that drove me to this sexdrive is porn. I know from experience that its like drugs or getting drunk, it leads to trouble, sooner or later. Thankfully I have managed to to get over the biggest problems I had with this perverted view of beautiful thing called sex. I still know it is gonna have its reflections on my marriage, if God decides to give me a companion one of these days. But I believe the same sort of openess that Thomas showed here in his comments, can get us through it. Now, back to the actual subject of that significant other and the whole dating business. Its hard to be a different kind of person within christian realm. I am sure youguys know it. I mean, not too many christian people dress like us or listen the kind of music as us or play in such bands. I guess many christian women hate the kinda music we listen to, so there really needs to be an understanding about that. Hopefully even so that our brides are also into the same kinda stuff. So with this in mind; if any of youguys know any christian women who are into hardcore/punk and/or metal and would have an interest in a finnish guy, feel free to give them a shout for me There arent many of those kinda people here in Finland.
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Post by Kerrick on Aug 7, 2015 10:13:26 GMT -6
Kimmo, I can completely relate with you on the pre-marital stuff. I've messed around with a couple (now ex-) girlfriends (as a Christian) and that is one of my greatest regrets in life. As with you, I have sought God's forgiveness and I know He has given it to me, but those thoughts and memories are still there in my mind. I wish they weren't. Though I've spoken with a friend of mine who is very happily married to the woman of his dreams. This is both his and his wife's second marriage. He said that for the both of them, the memories of their past sexual experiences with their ex-spouses have vanished from their minds. To both of them, seemingly divinely, it's as if any of that never happened and they are solely focused on each other. Our God is a relational God of forgiveness and restoration, and that is a beautiful thing. I'm confident that when you find that special lady, God will work in your life to do away with those harmful past memories - as He did with my friend. Until that time though, those memories serve as harsh reminders to remain within God's desire for His children who are not yet married.
As for metalhead chicks... they exist, but they're pretty few and far between! My girlfriend is no metalhead by any stretch of the imagination (though I'm working on her haha), nor have any of my past girlfriends been. But that's ok. Sure, it'd be awesome to be able to share this passion with one's significant other... but at least in my experience, it's not crucial at all to the health of a relationship. Being spiritually aligned in a way that you both are on the same page and yet can grow/encourage/challenge each other in their respective walks with God is absolutely necessary. For the first time ever, I'm experiencing that with my girlfriend and it's amazing.
If I may ask, how old are you Kimmo?
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Post by kimmo on Aug 7, 2015 11:49:58 GMT -6
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the issue! I appreciate you being open about this area as well. I definately agree that one doesnt need to like all the same things as the other, just as long as the other person doesnt totally hate the things I love. I mean, I have seen these kinds of dating ads on the local christian dating service that say something like "I listen to everything except growling metal" and that tends to be a bummer for me, even tho they might be persuaded to tolerate it. Cos some people genuinely do not tolerate that kinda music and that could cause problems. You may ask, indeed and I shall answer! I almost fear to say it, but I am closing to 37 this fall(!). I really dont feel like it to be honest, I still the same kid except that I do not go off that wild at shows anymore
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 7, 2015 12:30:25 GMT -6
For me, I have been single for most of my life. And what is a bit shameful is that I have had pre-marital and somewhat loose sexual relationships solely after I became a christian. But if anything, now I know why I believe God wants us to wait until marriage with all the sex-stuff. Kimmo, I can completely relate with you on the pre-marital stuff. I've messed around with a couple (now ex-) girlfriends (as a Christian) and that is one of my greatest regrets in life. As with you, I have sought God's forgiveness and I know He has given it to me, but those thoughts and memories are still there in my mind. I wish they weren't. I might have an unconventional view on this, but I don't regret my experiences, or wish I could forget them. To me, its a lot like my substance abuse issues in the past. I'm very glad for my sobriety and the 8+ years sober I now have... and I didn't think this from the start, but I'm not only glad to be sober - I'm also glad to be an ALCOHOLIC. See, if I wouldn't have had those experiences, I wouldn't have the quality of faith I do today. I wouldn't enjoy life like I do today. I could go on how 8 years of hell on earth then, brings me a better quality of life today. _____________________ I'm actually glad for my sexual experiences happened, even though every single one of them started outside of marriage. ...but I absolutely wouldn't want to go through it again. (except the woman I married Saturday. Sorry to say, I have no "sex before marriage" regrets with her - because we didn't do that until I knew we were going to be together from then on) People are definitely the minority if they don't have sex, or just wait for marriage to have sex. For YEARS, I wouldn't even consider dating a woman who's had X number of partners and I was at ZERO number of partners and waiting for marriage. Obviously, I deviated from that plan, but my own discrepancies helped me better accept someone who had their own. Still, one woman I had a relationship with admitted to having over 20 sexual partners before me. Even though she was clean, I was still grossed out. Even though she complimented me, I still felt like "just another guy" considering her number.
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Post by Kerrick on Aug 19, 2015 11:53:17 GMT -6
Well, even though I do still regret my past sins, as Thomas said, we can still use those to learn and grow from. God wipes our sins as far as the east is from the west, though He doesn't wipe them from our memories - I believe because otherwise we would just repeat the same thing over and over again. I think this is perhaps what you were getting at, Thomas, but it's important to distinguish between celebrating the wisdom attained through sins and celebrating the sins themselves. I think we're basically saying the same thing but from two opposite ends.
As for sex outside of marriage... I disagree with you there. Even if you "know" you're going to be together, I still believe Christians shouldn't be having sex unless the rings are on their fingers and a marriage certificate is signed. The reason being is this: I "knew" I was going to be together forever with my first girlfriend and I was wrong. I thought I loved her and thought that we would ultimately be married. A year and some months later, we broke up. We said no vows, had no rings or certificates, and therefore didn't have that level of accountability or commitment to man and God. Are marriages fail-proof and perfect? Certainly not. But I do believe that keeping sex within the bounds of marriage is the best we can do in this broken world of broken people.
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Post by blake on Aug 19, 2015 14:06:42 GMT -6
People are always surprised when I tell them that I have only been with one person and I married her, and we did wait until marriage. It can be tough though
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 20, 2015 15:22:51 GMT -6
I think this is perhaps what you were getting at, Thomas, but it's important to distinguish between celebrating the wisdom attained through sins and celebrating the sins themselves. I think we're basically saying the same thing but from two opposite ends. As for sex outside of marriage... I disagree with you there. Even if you "know" you're going to be together, I still believe Christians shouldn't be having sex unless the rings are on their fingers and a marriage certificate is signed. The reason being is this: I "knew" I was going to be together forever with my first girlfriend and I was wrong. I thought I loved her and thought that we would ultimately be married. A year and some months later, we broke up. We said no vows, had no rings or certificates, and therefore didn't have that level of accountability or commitment to man and God. Are marriages fail-proof and perfect? Certainly not. But I do believe that keeping sex within the bounds of marriage is the best we can do in this broken world of broken people. Oh yeah, in case I wasn't clear, I am appreciating the lesson learned from the experience. Not the experience itself or the sin. I hear you regarding the thinking someone was "the one" and then it didn't pan out. I dated this one girl and it was going long term. Eventually, we decided to consummate the relationship (if you know what I mean) and a day later, she said she wanted to focus on her church group. I totally felt used. I could either feel like a heel or "easy"... or I could tell myself "live and learn" and know WHY God established the sex/marriage link.
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Post by drawnsword on Aug 20, 2015 16:29:48 GMT -6
I really think this "the one" or "soul mates" idea that is so prevalent in the world and church could very well be a dangerous lie. It seems to me that love is an action you choose to maintain, but people treat it like a feeling that comes and goes. DOES GOD HAVE A SPOUSE PREPARED FOR EVERYONE? www.bibleissues.org/spouse1.html
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Post by Kerrick on Aug 21, 2015 17:56:45 GMT -6
^Yes, the concept of there being "soul mates" is rather dangerous indeed... For one, it's fairly unbiblical if you're talking "free will."
You bring up an interesting point though about love. Just what is love (in the romantic sense)? If it's a choice/action, why not say "I love you" on the first date? Saying that is a pretty serious deal and I think most of us would agree that love is something that is not immediate between two people but rather something that is developed over time. Therefore it can't be just a decision. But clearly love can't be just a feeling either. Human emotions are flippant, unreliable, illogical, and oftentimes downright wrong. I hear many Christians always go back to the different types of love from ancient Greek (unconditional, brotherly/friendly, sexual...). And yet somehow I don't know if one can truly describe love between a man and a woman with those either. I'd love [pun intended] to hear your guys' thoughts!
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 23, 2015 12:51:20 GMT -6
There's studies about how love and hate are actually very similar chemically in the brain. Being divorced, I can totally see that.
Regarding "soul mates", I think there are literally millions of women we're all compatible with. There is no "the one", but "I found one" and I just happened to meet who I met first.
In the course of my recovery, I've actually gone to Emotions Anonymous meetings. That support group has been around (surprisingly) since the 70's, is God based (or "Higher Power" based for those attending still struggling with agnosticism) and basically supports the idea that emotions themselves aren't right or wrong, its the actions from them that are right or wrong.
Scenario 1: Someone says something insulting to me, I get angry. I remove myself from the situation, I get advice, I talk to the person about it, it gets resolved. Scenario 2: Someone says something insulting to me, I get angry. I punch them in the face, I end up going to jail and have to pay money.
...both anger, but the actions from one instance actually created openness with someone perhaps indirectly getting me closer to them, the other harmed everyone.
I don't think emotions, in general, are flippant, unreliable, illogical, and oftentimes downright wrong. God programmed us this way, and that design, when used properly, adds to (or preserves) our life. Used incorrectly, leads to pain and death.
Look at fear. If you were 10 foot from a bonfire outside, there's a healthy fear that keeps us from putting our hands or face in the fire. If we weren't curious about certain things, we'd probably just walk mundane circles in life. If we didn't feel lonely, we probably wouldn't talk or learn much from each other. If Christ would have seen the debauchery in the temple and nonchalantly said in a Ben Stine manner "Now now you guys...", they probably wouldn't have listened or cared. The emotion of anger gave Christ the strength to whip (pun intended) those money changers into shape and clean the temple.
Grieving for a lost loved one is human, and helps with healing.
A homework assignment for anyone interested. If you've got Netflix, (other streaming or even a DVD store/station might have it) watch the movie Equilibrium. (has Christian Bale) Its a Sci-Fi futuristic movie where human emotions are considered "fallible" and everyone is chemically treated to not have any them. Its a very Paul/Saul-esqe story because the main actor, who's occupation and passion in life is to enforce everyone not having emotions, suddenly realizes how important it is to have them.
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Post by Kerrick on Aug 27, 2015 13:05:03 GMT -6
Agreed, not all emotions are bad by any means. I do think they can be very deceptive and cause people to take actions they shouldn't... Maybe a good analogy would be sin vs the temptation of sin. Emotions would be akin to temptation. Even if you know that something is bad for you, you still want it. Anger isn't bad (as your example of Jesus lays out) though it very oftentimes leads to bad stuff. We're commanded to grieve with those who grieve and rejoice with those who are joyous, but that grief can so easily turn into despair and depression, just as that joy can turn into ignorant pursuit of fleeting happiness. Yes, the emotion of fear is good for self-preservation, but then there are all these illogical and foolish fears like that of scurrying insects or snakes that are completely harmless to us. I am THANKFUL we're not all emotionless robots, but boy would things go more smoothly if we didn't have them!
As for the topic at hand... my girlfriend and I have been talking logistics with regards to the future... It's exciting, though rather daunting as well, due to visas and all. She's hoping to come here to visit in December for the maximum allowance of time of three months that her visa gives. HOWEVER... she informed me that there is such a thing as a "fiance visa" that allows for an additional three months... If things continue to progress as have been, I think a spring-time proposal would be pretty good. We will have known each other for a year. So we shall see!
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Post by Thomas Eversole on Aug 27, 2015 15:24:09 GMT -6
So glad to hear things are going really well with your woman. Not to butt in, but if she mentioned to you the "fiance visa", that sounds like a strong hint bro! Why wait to Spring? (Unless you're not sure or think you'll feel differently about her then.) My parents have been married 38 years and they got married 10 months after they met. I think you could know if you're going to be with someone for life in that time. Both of my marriages, it was almost EXACTLY 1 year from when I met. (My first marriage, I met her 8/17/10 - we got married 8/17/11. My current wife, I met her 8/5/14, we got married 8/1/15.) I proposed to them both 6 months in the relationship.
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Post by Kerrick on Sept 1, 2015 11:09:31 GMT -6
Thanks man. We're definitely talking marriage. [It's been a while since I used that smiley; figured this was a good opportunity haha.] Timing has been something big on both of our minds. I think you're right though: when you know, you know. Granted, I've thought I knew in the past and was obviously wrong, but this is different and I think both of us recognize that. We're both very certain of our future together, though we also want to enter into this wisely and not rushed for the wrong reasons. I'm trying to figure out where that balance lies between not being foolish by drawing things out and wasting time... yet all the while not being foolish by jumping into the biggest decision of my life yet without properly preparing myself/ourselves for it. There are things that should be figured out before two people get married I believe, and we're working on that. The biggest factor right now though is logistics... I did some research on the fiance visa and it takes like five months and $340 to process. And it only allots three months more. At that point... we might as well just elope (which I'm definitely not opposed to). And maybe we'd have a "proper" wedding in Slovakia with her family or something. Not only that, but there's her PhD program to deal with. If she leaves Barcelona, that will most likely affect her grant money and such. So she is having to decide how she's to continue in the program or even if she wants to or if it's feasible. So all that to say... it's not going to be an easy process! Prayers appreciated.
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Post by kimmo on Sept 3, 2015 5:31:20 GMT -6
I had a nice time last week as I went on a date Definately a nice woman, I dunno if she is the love of my life, but I really wanna hang out with her more and I understood that the feeling is mutual. Good times, I guess.
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